Mar 24, 2018
March 24. In 1401, Turco-Mongol emperor Timor sacked Damascus. In 1712, Bach published the Brandenburg Concertos. In 1832, Mormon founder Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered in Ohio, possibly for molesting his sister—NOT due to religious persecution. In 1837, Canada gave Blacks the right to vote. In 1921, the first international women’s sports event, the Women’s Olympiad, began in
Monte Carlo. In 1958, Elvis Presley was drafted.
In 1960, a US court ruled LADY CHATTERLY’S LOVER was not obscene and could be mailed. In 1973, Lou Reed was bitten on his ass by a fan in Buffalo. In 1989, the Exxon Valdez spilled 11 million gallons of oil in Alaska’s Prince William Sound. Happy Birthday, Fanny Crosby, Harry Houdini, Dorothy Height, Lawrence Ferlinghetti (99!), Tig Notaro. Mission: Resist this rampant unethical sleaze. March for Your Lives.
Mar 17, 2018
March 17. In 461, St. Patrick died in Saul. (Saul wasn’t that happy about it.) In 1780, George Washington granted the continental Army a holiday as an act of solidarity with the Irish fight for independence. In 1868, the postage stamp canceling machine was patented. In 1917, St. Louis held America’s first women’s bowling tournament. In 1930, construction began on the Empire State Building. In 1944, America bombed Vienna. In 1959, the Dalai Lama fled Tibet. In 1966, a missing hydrogen bomb was found off the coast of Spain. In 1969, Golda Meir was sworn in as premier of Israel. In 1992, South Africa passed a referendum ending apartheid. In 1999, a medical panel concluded marijuana was beneficial for those with cancer and AIDS. Happy Birthday, Cornelia Clapp, Nat King Cole, Myrlie Evers-Williams, Galina Samsova, Rudolf Nureyev. Mission: Relevé. Jeté relevé.
Mar 10, 2018
March 10. In 49 BC, Julius Caesar invaded Italy. In 1629, Charles I dissolved Parliament, beginning his 11-year Personal Rule. (What? Don’t tell Outrage Orange this.) In 1848, the Mexican-American War officially ended with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. In 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful telephone call. In 1910, slavery was abolished in China (so to speak). In 1969, James Earl Ray pled guilty to assassinating Martin Luther King, Jr., later recanting. In 1971, the voting age was lowered to 18 in America. In 1977, astronomers discovered the rings of Uranus. In 1979, James Brown played the Grand Ole Opry. In 2018, you all had a fabulous time at the Soapstone International Women’s Day event. Happy Birthday, Lillian Wald, Anna Hyatt Huntington, Sam Jaffe, Neneh Cherry, Edie Brickell. It’s Harriet Tubman Day and Tibetan Uprising Day. Mission: Come on.
Mar 3, 2018
March 3. In 1845, Florida became the 27th US state. (Perhaps we should have re-thought that.) In 1859, the two-day Great Slave Auction in Savannah, GA, concluded with the sale of 436 men, women and children, including infants. In 1863, free mail delivery was authorized by the US Postal Service. In 1903, a $2/head tax was imposed on immigrants. In 1910, JD Rockefeller Jr. withdrew from his father’s business to administer the Rockefeller fortune for “uplifting humanity.” In 1931, the “Star Spangled Banner” was adopted as the American national anthem. In 1952, the US Supreme Court upheld New York’s Feinberg law banning Communist teachers. In 1966, Neil Young, Stephen Stills and Richie Furay formed Buffalo Springfield. In 1969, Sirhan Sirhan testified in court that he killed Bobby Kennedy. In 1978, Charlie Chaplin’s remains were stolen from his grave in Switzerland and recovered 3 months later near Lake Geneva. In 1985, Women Against Pornography awarded its Pig Award to Huggies Diapers claiming their ads had “crossed the line between eye-catching and porn.” In 1991, Rodney King was several beaten by LA police officers. In 1994, Kurt Cobain lapsed into a coma due to an overdose of Valium and champagne. Happy Birthday, Alexander Graham Bell, Beatrice Wood, Doc Watson, Willie Chambers, Jackie Joyner-Kersee. It’s Liberation Day in Bulgaria, Mother’s Day in Georgia and World Wildlife Day. Mission: Uplift humanity. Lock them up.
Feb 24, 2018
February 24. In 1857, perforated postage stamps debuted. In 1868, President Andrew Johnson was impeached, primarily for firing Secretary of War Stanton. In 1920, the Nazi Party was founded. In 1938, the first nylon bristle toothbrush was made. In 1989, Ayatollah Khomeini issued a fatwa and offered a $3 million bounty for the death of Salman Rushdie. In 2008, Fidel Castro retired. Happy Birthday, Winslow Homer, Ettie Rout, Weldon Kees, George Harrison, Steve Jobs. It’s National Artist Day in Thailand. Mission: Perforate King Dipshit. Then make art.
Feb 17, 2018
February 17. In 1621, Myles Standish was elected first commander of the Plymouth Colony. In 1817, Baron Karl von Drais de Sauerbrun patented the "draisine," an early bicycle. In 1876, Julius Wolff canned sardines for the first time. In 1904, "Madame Butterfly" premiered in Milan. In 1913, the NY Armory Show introduced the US public to Van Gogh, Cezanne, Picassso, Matisse, Duchamp, etc. In 1933, Prohibition ended. In 1969, Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash recorded an album they never released. Happy Birthday, Lola Montez, Marian Anderson, Chaim Potok, Gene Pitney, Huey Newton. It's Random Acts of Kindness Day in America and Revolution Day in Libya. Mission: Be nice, I guess.
Feb 10, 2018
February 10. In 1355, the St. Scholastica Day riot broke out in Oxford (over unsatisfactory drinks), leaving 63 scholars and 30 locals dead. In 1895, volleyball was invented. In 1932, the US entered the two-man bobsled competition for the first time at the Olympic Games in Lake Placid, NY. In 1950, Senator Joseph “What-An-Asshole” McCarthy charged the State Department was riddled with Communists. In 1960, the first star, for Joanne Woodward, was placed on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. In 1967, the 25th Amendment, allowing for incapacitated Presidents to be removed, was ratified. In 2007, Barack Obama announced his candidacy for President. In 2018, Outrage Orange blocked the release of the Democratic memo and Mike Dense did not STAND when the Korean delegation entered the Olympic arena. (Say what?) Happy Birthday, Amy Lowell, Boris Pasternak, Bertolt Brecht, Frances Moore Lappe, Carole King. Mission: De-sleaze American government. Lock more of these criminals up.
Feb 3, 2018
February 3. In 1690, the first paper money was issued in America and was used to pay soldiers fighting a war against Quebec. (Wars, wars, wars.) In 1815, the world’s first commercial cheese factory was established in Switzerland. In 1870, the 15th Amendment was ratified, guaranteeing voting rights to all males, regardless of race. In 1913, the 16th Amendment, authorizing income taxes, was ratified. In 1959, Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper died in a plane crash in Iowa. In 1961, Bob Dylan made his first recording—“San Francisco Bay Blues.” In 1971, Frank Serpico was shot during a drug bust in Brooklyn. In 1995, Astronaut Eileen Collins became the first woman to pilot the Space Shuttle. In 2018, Outrage Orange tweeted that he was exonerated in a Russian probe because of a fake memo. (Hahahaha. What an incredible shit show in America.) Happy Birthday, Felix Mendelssohn, Simone Weil, Joey Bishop, Helen Stephens, Shelley Berman. It’s Heroes’ Day in Mozambique. Mission: Be a hero: Don’t fight. Eat cheese. And lock this fool up. IT’S ENOUGH ALREADY.
Jan 27, 2018
January 27. In 1926, John Baird, a Scottish inventor, demonstrated an early television. In 1945, Soviet troops liberated Auschwitz and Birkenau. In 1967, more than 60 nations signed the Outer Space Treaty, banning nuclear weapons in space. In 1971, David Bowie visited America for the first time. He didn’t perform, but did wear dresses in Texas and Louisiana, which caused a bit of a stir. In 1973, the Vietnam peace accords were signed in Paris. In 2010, the iPad was introduced. Happy Birthday, Wolfgang A. Mozart, Lewis Carroll, Samuel Gompers, Lawrence Durrell, Mikhail Baryshnikov. It’s Holocaust Remembrance Day. Mission: Dance while crying. Cry while dancing. Wear a dress.
Jan 20, 2018
January 20. In 1783, Great Britain and the US signed a peace treaty officially ending the American Revolutionary War. In 1885, the rollercoaster was patented. In 1942, Nazi officials arrived at their "final solution," calling for the extermination of European Jews. In 1944, the British Air Force dropped 2300 tons of bombs on Berlin. In 1958, Elvis got his orders to report to the US Army. In 1982, Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off a bat in Des Moines. In 1986, we observed the first official Martin Luther King Jr Day. In 2017, Outrage Orange was inaugurated and the torturous rollercoaster ride began. In 2018, the American government shut down with everyone blaming everyone else like big bully babies. Happy Birthday, Ruth St. Denis, Lead Belly, Federico Fellini, Carol Heiss, David Lynch. It's Martyrs' Day in Azerbaijan, Heroes' Day in Cape Verde and Shit Show Day in America . . . AGAIN. Mission: Let's get off this rollercoaster and defeat these zombies this year.
Jan 13, 2018
January 13. In 1854, the accordion was patented. In 1863, the chenille yarn-making machine was patented. In 1928, TV was demonstrated for the first time. In 1898, Emile Zola published his “J’accuse” letter, accusing the French government of framing Alfred Dreyfus for sabotage. (Dreyfus was exonerated in 1906.) In 1938, the Church of England accepted the theory of evolution, displaying brain activity. In 1942, Henry Ford patented the plastic car made partially of soybeans and hemp. In 1962, Wilt Chamberlain scored 73 points against Chicago. In 1966, Robert C. Weaver became the first African-American Cabinet member (HUD) under President Johnson. In 1978, NASA chose its first American women astronauts. In 1992, Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean women to serve as sex slaves during WW2. Happy Birthday, Sophie Tucker, Carolyn Heilbrun, Edmund White, Lorrie Moore, Shonda Rhimes. It’s Democracy Day in Cape Verde and Liberation Day in Togo. It’s Shame Day in America, once again. Mission: #impeach #resist #trumpsexpredator #zombieapocalypse #fakechristians #traitors #DemocracyInDanger
Jan 6, 2018
January 6. In 1759, George Washington got married to Martha Custis. In 1896, the first American women’s six-day bicycle race was held at Madison Square Garden. In1907, Maria Montessori opened her first school for working class children in Rome. In 1942, Pan Am flew the first around-the-world flight. In 1952, “Peanuts” debuted in Sunday papers. In 1994, Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed in Detroit. In 1999, the 106th US Congress opened and the first agenda item was the impeachment proceedings of President Clinton. (Ah, impeachment . . . ) In 2001, Congress declared George W. Bush winner of 2000 elections (ah, the good old days). In 2017, Outrage Orange declared himself a “stable genius” on Twitter, contrary to reality. Happy Birthday, Joan of Arc, Danny Thomas, Alan Watts, E.L. Doctorow, Sister Sledge. It’s Epiphany. Mission: If you’re going to call yourself a Christian, be one. #impeach #trumpsexpredator #zombieapocalypse #fakechristians
Dec 30, 2017
December 30. In 1924, Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galaxies. In 1936, the UAW staged its first sit-down strike (Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI). In 1953, the first color TVs went on sale ($1175). In 1972, the US halted its heavy bombing in North Vietnam. In 1996, 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services across Israel protesting Netanyahu’s budget cuts (hint, hint). In 1999, George Harrison was stabbed four times in the chest during a home invasion robbery. In 2006, Saddam Hussein was executed. In 2009, 40,000 gallons of diesel oil turned the Yellow River into the toxic brown river when a pipeline ruptured. Happy Birthday, Rudyard Kipling, Skeeter Davis, Patti Smith, Tracey Ullman, LeBron James. Mission: Peace and Noise [a Patti Smith album title].
Dec 23, 2017
December 23. In 583, the first female ruler in recorded Maya history, Yohl Ik’nal, was crowned ruler of Palenque. In 1856, the rotary egg beater was patented. In 1888, either Vincent Van Gogh or Paul Gauguin (there is controversy) cut off part of Vincent’s earlobe after a quarrel with a sword. In 1951, an NFL championship game (Rams v Browns) was nationally televised for the first time. In 1954, the first successful kidney transplant was performed. In 1964, Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys suffered a nervous breakdown on a flight from LA to Houston and left the group. In 1972, the 16 survivors of the Andes flight disaster were rescued after 73 days. In 1977, Cat Stevens converted to Islam and became Yusuf Islam. Happy Birthday, Anna Jane Harrison, Robert Bly, Chet Baker, Esther Phillips, Tim Hardin. It’s Festivus, HumanLight and Night of the Radishes. Mission: Women, it’s time. Let’s beat them and take over. And Merry Christmas. Here’s hoping certain fake Christians start acting like real ones again soon.
Dec 16, 2017
December 16. In 1773, patriots disguised as Mohawk Indians dumped 350 chests of tea into Boston Harbor to protest taxation without representation and the monopoly granted the East India Company. (Same old screw-the-people shit.) In 1809, Napoleon and Josephine divorced. In 1950, President Truman proclaimed a national state of emergency in order to fight Communist imperialism. In 1998, the scroll wheel for a computer mouse was patented. Happy Birthday, L.V. Beethoven, Jane Austen, George Santayana, Margaret Mead, Liv Ullman. It is the Day of Reconciliation. Mission: Help me proclaim a national state of emergency in order to fight GOP greed, dishonesty, collusion, regression and blatant hypocrisy. #impeach #ResignNow #trumpsexpredator #HimToo #stormtheWhiteHouse
Dec 9, 2017
December 9. In 1793, New York City’s first daily newspaper was established (American Minerva). In 1872, PBS Pinchback became the first African-American governor in America. In 1884, the ball-bearing roller skate was patented. In 1897, Marguerite Durand founded the feminist daily La Fronde in Paris. In 1941, China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy. In 1979, smallpox was eradicated, making it the first and only human disease driven to extinction. In 1996, women in Ontario, Canada, won the right to be topless in public. Happy Birthday, John Milton, Dalton Trumbo, John Cassavetes, Judi Dench, Joan Armatrading. It’s International Anti-Corruption Day. Mission: Clean f*cking house.
Dec 2, 2017
December 2. In 1763, the first synagogue in the future US was dedicated in Newport, Rhode Island. In 1804, Napoleon was crowned emperor of France. In 1867, Charles Dickens gave his first reading in America. In 1901, Gillette patented the first razor with a permanent handle and disposable double-edged blades. In 1942, a self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was demonstrated by Dr. E. Fermi at University of Chicago. In 1954, the US Senate voted to condemn Senator McCarthy for “conduct that tends to bring the Senate dishonor and disrepute.” [Ahhhh, the good old days.] In 1970 the EPA began operating. In 1982, the first heart transplant was performed on Barney Clark at University of Utah. In 2001, Enron filed for bankruptcy. In 2010, NASA announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based life form. In 2015, 14 people were killed and 22 wounded in the San Bernardino, CA, shooting. Happy Birthday, George Seurat, Maria Callas, Penelope Spheeris, T. Coraghessan Boyle, Ann Patchett. It’s International Day for the Abolition of Slavery. Mission is obvious: CONDEMN THE GOP FOR BRINGING DISHONOR AND DISREPUTE ON THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. AND work to abolish the enslavement of American politicians to big money.
Nov 18, 2017
November 18. In 401, the Visigoths crossed the Alps and invaded northern Italy. In 1302, Pope Boniface VIII issued the Unam Sanctum, claiming spiritual supremacy for the papacy. In 1872, Susan B. Anthony and 14 other women were arrested in Rochester for voting illegally in the Presidential election. They did not pay the fine. In 1928, the first fully synchronized sound cartoon was released starring Mickey and Minnie Mouse. It was directed by Walt Disney and Ub Iwerks. In 1959, “Ben Hur,” the movie that introduced me to leprosy, which gave me nightmares for years, premiered at Loew’s Theater in NYC. In 1961, JFK sent 18,000 troops to South Vietnam. In 1966, US Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against eating meat on Fridays (goodbye fish sticks). In 1969, Charles “Pete” Conrad Jr and Alan Bean landed on the moon in the 2nd manned lunar mission. In 2003, the Supreme Court of Massachusetts ruled the ban on same-sex marriage to be unconstitutional and gave the state legislature 180 days to change the law. Happy Birthday, Imogene Coca, Don Cherry, Brenda Vaccaro, Margaret Atwood, Chloe Sevigny. Mission: Impeach Predator Trump NOW. End this shit show. It’s enough already.
Nov 11, 2017
November 11. In 1831, Nat Turner was hanged. In 1851, the telescope was patented. In 1918, World War I ended when the Allies and Germany signed an armistice. Later that day, Poland was re-established. In 1940, the Jeep debuted. In 1952, the first video recorder was demonstrated in Beverly Hills. In 1965, Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) declared its independence from Britain. In 1972, Berry Oakley of the Allman Brothers was killed in a motorcycle accident. In 1992, the Church of England voted to ordain women as priests. In 1993, the Vietnam Women’s Memorial in DC was dedicated to honor the more than 11,000 who served. In 1998, Jay Cochrane set a record for the longest blindfolded skywalk. In 2004, the PLO confirmed the death of Yasser Arafat. Happy Birthday, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Shirley Graham Du Bois, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Jonathan Winters, Bibi Andersson. Mission: Look upward after your breakfast of champions.
Nov 4, 2017
November 4. In 1429, Joan of Arc liberated Saint-Pierre-le-Moutier in the Armagnac-Burgundian Civil War. In 1842, Abe Lincoln and Mary Todd got married. In 1846, the patent for an artificial leg was granted. In 1880, the first cash register was patented. In 1924, Nellie T. Ross was elected the first female governor in America (Wyoming). In 1939, the first air-conditioned car was displayed. In 1960, Dr. Jane Goodall observed chimps creating tools. In 1961, Bob Dylan made his Carnegie Chapter Hall debut. Fifty people came to the show and paid $2/each. In 1989, a million East Germans held a pro-democracy rally in East Berlin. In 1995, Israeli Prime Minister Rabin was assassinated by a right-wing Israeli after a peace rally. In 2008, Barack Obama became the first non-White person to be elected President of the US. Happy Birthday, Walter Cronkite, Mary Sherman Morgan, Hannah Weiner, C.K. Williams, Robert Mapplethorpe. Mission: Scour out the sleaze. It’s everywhere.