May 19, 2018
May 19. In 1536, Anne Boleyn, Henry VIII’s second wife, was beheaded for adultery, treason & incest. In 1926, Mussolini announced democracy was dead and Rome became a fascist state. In 1935, Lawrence of Arabia died in a motorcycle crash. In 1962, Marilyn Monroe sang her legendary version of “Happy Birthday” to JFK. In 1974, Erno Rubik invented the Rubik’s Cube. Happy Birthday, Ho Chi Minh, Tina Strobos, Malcolm X, Nora Ephron, Grace Jones. It’s Hepatitis Testing Day. Mission: Learn from history. Resist. #fakechristians #zombieapocalypse #NRAwhores [Royal wedding fun fact: I stayed & dropped acid at the Cliveden estate (now hotel). It was Stanford’s campus in England in the early 70s.]
May 12, 2018
May 12. In 1846, the ill-fated Donner Party left Missouri for California. In 1847, William Clayton invented the odometer. In 1940, the Nazis entered France. In 1950, the American Bowling Congress abolished its white males-only restriction. In 1963, Bob Dylan walked out of dress rehearsals for “The Ed Sullivan Show” when censors told him he could not Perform “Talkin’ John Birch Paranoid Blues.” In 1965, West Germany & Israel established diplomatic relations. In 2002, President Carter went to Cuba for the first American visit in 53 years. Happy Birthday, Florence Nightingale, Dante Rossetti, Katherine Hepburn, George Carlin, Stevie Winwood. It’s Day of the Finnish Identity and International Nurses Day. Mission: Act Finnish. And take care.
May 5, 2018
May 5. In 1809, Mary Kies became the first woman awarded a patent for her technique for weaving straw with silk and thread. In 1865, the 13th Amendment was ratified, abolishing slavery in America (sort of). In 1891, Carnegie Hall had its grand opening with Tchaikovsky as guest conductor. In 1925, John Scopes, a biology teacher in Tennessee, was arrested for teaching Darwin’s theory of evolution. In 1936, Edward Ravenscroft received a patent for the screw-on bottle cap with a pour lip. In 1945, a Japanese balloon bomb exploded on Gearhart Mountain in Oregon, killing a pregnant woman and five children—the only Americans killed in the continental US during WW 2. In 1956, Jim Bailey became the first American runner to break the 4-minute mile. In 1961, Alan Shepard became the first American in space. In 1968, Buffalo Springfield performed their final concert. Happy Birthday, Nellie Bly, Helen Maud Merrill, James Beard, Stan Goldberg, Annette Bening. It’s International Midwives’ Day. Mission: Don’t fear knowledge. Science Is not a liberal conspiracy.
Apr 28, 2018
April 28. In 1881, Billy the Kid escaped from the Lincoln County Jail in Mesilla, NM. In 1896, the Addressograph was patented. In 1914, the air conditioner was patented. In 1932, the yellow fever vaccine was announced. In 1945, Mussolini and his mistress were executed by Italian partisans as they attempted to flee. In 1967, Muhammad Ali refused induction into the US Army on religious grounds and was stripped of his boxing title. In 1973, Pink Floyd’s “The Dark Side of the Moon” began its 741-week run at the top of the US charts. In 1986, high levels of radiation from the Chernobyl disaster were detected in Sweden, leading Soviet authorities to publicly announce the accident. Happy Birthday, Na Hye-sok, Oskar Schindler, Blossom Dearie, Harper Lee, Kim Gordon. It’s Workers’ Memorial Day & World Day for Safety & Health at Work. Mission: Be transparent. Why not? Secrets infect.
Apr 21, 2018
April 21. In 1506, the Lisbon Massacre ended after the slaughter of 1900 suspected Jews by the Portuguese Catholics. (And once again, it was proven that religion is the most hypocritical bane of humanity [#fakechristians].) In 1892, the first buffalo was born in Golden Gate Park. In 1918, the “Red Baron” (Manfred von Richthofen) was shot down. In 1984, French doctors announced finding the AIDS virus (HIV). In 1986, creepy old Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone’s vault and found nothing. Happy birthday, Charlotte Bronte, John Muir, Elaine May, Sister Helen PreJean, Iggy Pop. It’s Local Self Government Day. Mission: Get a handle on yourself. AND end this corruption in America.
Apr 14, 2018
April 14. In 1775, Ben Franklin and Ben Rush organized the first abolition society “The Society for the Relief of Free Negroes Unlawfully Held In Bondage. In 1828, the first edition of Noah Webster’s dictionary was published. In 1860, the first Pony Express rider arrived in San Francisco with mail from St. Joseph, MO. In 1865, Abe Lincoln was assassinated. In 1902, James Cash Penney opened his first store in Kemmerer, WY, called the Golden Rule Store. In 1912, the Titanic hit an iceberg and began to sink. In 1927, the first Volvo premiered in Gothenburg, Sweden. In 1939, Steinbeck’s The Grapes of Wrath was published. In 1963, the Beatles met the Stones in Richmond, England. In 1984, the Texas Board of Education required textbooks describe evolution as a theory, not a fact. In 2003, the Human Genome Project was completed with 99% of the human genome sequenced to 99.99% accuracy. In 2005, the Oregon Supreme Court nullified marriage licenses issued to same-sex couples a year earlier in Multnomah County. In 2014, 276 school girls were abducted by Boko Haram in Nigeria. Happy Birthday, Anne Sullivan, Elizabeth Huckaby, Loretta Lynn, Frank Serpico, Julie Christie. It’s South and Southeast Asian New Year. Mission: Stop this “ostentatious corruption.” De-sleaze American government. Lock them up.
Apr 7, 2018
April 7. In 1712, there was a slave revolt in NYC. In 1827, John Walker sold his first friction match. In 1864, the first camel race took place in Sacramento. In 1933, Prohibition ended in the US. In 1940, Booker T. Washington became the first Black man on a postage stamp. In 1969, the US Supreme Court struck down laws prohibiting possession of obscene material. In 1990, Cincinnati’s Contemporary Arts Center displayed Robert Mapplethorpe’s photos. Later that day, the director of the center was indicted on obscenity charges, although later acquitted. In 2000, President Clinton signed the Senior Citizens Freedom to Work Act, which allowed seniors to earn money without losing Social Security benefits. Happy Birthday, William Wordsworth, Billie Holiday, Daniel Ellsberg, Freddie Hubbard, Janis Ian. It’s Genocide Memorial Day in Rwanda, Motherhood and Beauty Day in Armenia, National Beer Day in America and World Health Day. Mission: A toast to beauty.
Mar 31, 2018
March 31. In 1492, Ferdinand & Isabella of Spain issued an edict expelling all Jews who were unwilling to convert to Christianity (Happy Passover!). In 1776, Abigail Adams told her husband John that women would revolt if the Declaration of Independence didn’t guarantee their rights. In 1870, Thomas Peterson of New Jersey became first Black man to vote. In 1966, 200,000 anti-war demonstrators marched in NYC. In 1995, Selena was killed by the president of her fan club. In 1999, Fabio was hit in the face by a bird while promoting a roller coaster in Virginia. In 2004, Gmail launched. Happy Birthday, Nikolai Gogol, Mary Abigail Dodge, Octavio Paz, Al Gore, Sandra Morgen. It’s International Transgender Day of Visibility. Mission: SHOW IT!
Mar 24, 2018
March 24. In 1401, Turco-Mongol emperor Timor sacked Damascus. In 1712, Bach published the Brandenburg Concertos. In 1832, Mormon founder Joseph Smith was beaten, tarred and feathered in Ohio, possibly for molesting his sister—NOT due to religious persecution. In 1837, Canada gave Blacks the right to vote. In 1921, the first international women’s sports event, the Women’s Olympiad, began in
Monte Carlo. In 1958, Elvis Presley was drafted.
In 1960, a US court ruled LADY CHATTERLY’S LOVER was not obscene and could be mailed. In 1973, Lou Reed was bitten on his ass by a fan in Buffalo. In 1989, the Exxon Valdez spilled 11 million gallons of oil in Alaska’s Prince William Sound. Happy Birthday, Fanny Crosby, Harry Houdini, Dorothy Height, Lawrence Ferlinghetti (99!), Tig Notaro. Mission: Resist this rampant unethical sleaze. March for Your Lives.
Mar 17, 2018
March 17. In 461, St. Patrick died in Saul. (Saul wasn’t that happy about it.) In 1780, George Washington granted the continental Army a holiday as an act of solidarity with the Irish fight for independence. In 1868, the postage stamp canceling machine was patented. In 1917, St. Louis held America’s first women’s bowling tournament. In 1930, construction began on the Empire State Building. In 1944, America bombed Vienna. In 1959, the Dalai Lama fled Tibet. In 1966, a missing hydrogen bomb was found off the coast of Spain. In 1969, Golda Meir was sworn in as premier of Israel. In 1992, South Africa passed a referendum ending apartheid. In 1999, a medical panel concluded marijuana was beneficial for those with cancer and AIDS. Happy Birthday, Cornelia Clapp, Nat King Cole, Myrlie Evers-Williams, Galina Samsova, Rudolf Nureyev. Mission: Relevé. Jeté relevé.
Mar 10, 2018
March 10. In 49 BC, Julius Caesar invaded Italy. In 1629, Charles I dissolved Parliament, beginning his 11-year Personal Rule. (What? Don’t tell Outrage Orange this.) In 1848, the Mexican-American War officially ended with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. In 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first successful telephone call. In 1910, slavery was abolished in China (so to speak). In 1969, James Earl Ray pled guilty to assassinating Martin Luther King, Jr., later recanting. In 1971, the voting age was lowered to 18 in America. In 1977, astronomers discovered the rings of Uranus. In 1979, James Brown played the Grand Ole Opry. In 2018, you all had a fabulous time at the Soapstone International Women’s Day event. Happy Birthday, Lillian Wald, Anna Hyatt Huntington, Sam Jaffe, Neneh Cherry, Edie Brickell. It’s Harriet Tubman Day and Tibetan Uprising Day. Mission: Come on.
Mar 3, 2018
March 3. In 1845, Florida became the 27th US state. (Perhaps we should have re-thought that.) In 1859, the two-day Great Slave Auction in Savannah, GA, concluded with the sale of 436 men, women and children, including infants. In 1863, free mail delivery was authorized by the US Postal Service. In 1903, a $2/head tax was imposed on immigrants. In 1910, JD Rockefeller Jr. withdrew from his father’s business to administer the Rockefeller fortune for “uplifting humanity.” In 1931, the “Star Spangled Banner” was adopted as the American national anthem. In 1952, the US Supreme Court upheld New York’s Feinberg law banning Communist teachers. In 1966, Neil Young, Stephen Stills and Richie Furay formed Buffalo Springfield. In 1969, Sirhan Sirhan testified in court that he killed Bobby Kennedy. In 1978, Charlie Chaplin’s remains were stolen from his grave in Switzerland and recovered 3 months later near Lake Geneva. In 1985, Women Against Pornography awarded its Pig Award to Huggies Diapers claiming their ads had “crossed the line between eye-catching and porn.” In 1991, Rodney King was several beaten by LA police officers. In 1994, Kurt Cobain lapsed into a coma due to an overdose of Valium and champagne. Happy Birthday, Alexander Graham Bell, Beatrice Wood, Doc Watson, Willie Chambers, Jackie Joyner-Kersee. It’s Liberation Day in Bulgaria, Mother’s Day in Georgia and World Wildlife Day. Mission: Uplift humanity. Lock them up.
Feb 24, 2018
February 24. In 1857, perforated postage stamps debuted. In 1868, President Andrew Johnson was impeached, primarily for firing Secretary of War Stanton. In 1920, the Nazi Party was founded. In 1938, the first nylon bristle toothbrush was made. In 1989, Ayatollah Khomeini issued a fatwa and offered a $3 million bounty for the death of Salman Rushdie. In 2008, Fidel Castro retired. Happy Birthday, Winslow Homer, Ettie Rout, Weldon Kees, George Harrison, Steve Jobs. It’s National Artist Day in Thailand. Mission: Perforate King Dipshit. Then make art.
Feb 17, 2018
February 17. In 1621, Myles Standish was elected first commander of the Plymouth Colony. In 1817, Baron Karl von Drais de Sauerbrun patented the "draisine," an early bicycle. In 1876, Julius Wolff canned sardines for the first time. In 1904, "Madame Butterfly" premiered in Milan. In 1913, the NY Armory Show introduced the US public to Van Gogh, Cezanne, Picassso, Matisse, Duchamp, etc. In 1933, Prohibition ended. In 1969, Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash recorded an album they never released. Happy Birthday, Lola Montez, Marian Anderson, Chaim Potok, Gene Pitney, Huey Newton. It's Random Acts of Kindness Day in America and Revolution Day in Libya. Mission: Be nice, I guess.
Feb 10, 2018
February 10. In 1355, the St. Scholastica Day riot broke out in Oxford (over unsatisfactory drinks), leaving 63 scholars and 30 locals dead. In 1895, volleyball was invented. In 1932, the US entered the two-man bobsled competition for the first time at the Olympic Games in Lake Placid, NY. In 1950, Senator Joseph “What-An-Asshole” McCarthy charged the State Department was riddled with Communists. In 1960, the first star, for Joanne Woodward, was placed on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. In 1967, the 25th Amendment, allowing for incapacitated Presidents to be removed, was ratified. In 2007, Barack Obama announced his candidacy for President. In 2018, Outrage Orange blocked the release of the Democratic memo and Mike Dense did not STAND when the Korean delegation entered the Olympic arena. (Say what?) Happy Birthday, Amy Lowell, Boris Pasternak, Bertolt Brecht, Frances Moore Lappe, Carole King. Mission: De-sleaze American government. Lock more of these criminals up.
Feb 3, 2018
February 3. In 1690, the first paper money was issued in America and was used to pay soldiers fighting a war against Quebec. (Wars, wars, wars.) In 1815, the world’s first commercial cheese factory was established in Switzerland. In 1870, the 15th Amendment was ratified, guaranteeing voting rights to all males, regardless of race. In 1913, the 16th Amendment, authorizing income taxes, was ratified. In 1959, Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper died in a plane crash in Iowa. In 1961, Bob Dylan made his first recording—“San Francisco Bay Blues.” In 1971, Frank Serpico was shot during a drug bust in Brooklyn. In 1995, Astronaut Eileen Collins became the first woman to pilot the Space Shuttle. In 2018, Outrage Orange tweeted that he was exonerated in a Russian probe because of a fake memo. (Hahahaha. What an incredible shit show in America.) Happy Birthday, Felix Mendelssohn, Simone Weil, Joey Bishop, Helen Stephens, Shelley Berman. It’s Heroes’ Day in Mozambique. Mission: Be a hero: Don’t fight. Eat cheese. And lock this fool up. IT’S ENOUGH ALREADY.
Jan 27, 2018
January 27. In 1926, John Baird, a Scottish inventor, demonstrated an early television. In 1945, Soviet troops liberated Auschwitz and Birkenau. In 1967, more than 60 nations signed the Outer Space Treaty, banning nuclear weapons in space. In 1971, David Bowie visited America for the first time. He didn’t perform, but did wear dresses in Texas and Louisiana, which caused a bit of a stir. In 1973, the Vietnam peace accords were signed in Paris. In 2010, the iPad was introduced. Happy Birthday, Wolfgang A. Mozart, Lewis Carroll, Samuel Gompers, Lawrence Durrell, Mikhail Baryshnikov. It’s Holocaust Remembrance Day. Mission: Dance while crying. Cry while dancing. Wear a dress.
Jan 20, 2018
January 20. In 1783, Great Britain and the US signed a peace treaty officially ending the American Revolutionary War. In 1885, the rollercoaster was patented. In 1942, Nazi officials arrived at their "final solution," calling for the extermination of European Jews. In 1944, the British Air Force dropped 2300 tons of bombs on Berlin. In 1958, Elvis got his orders to report to the US Army. In 1982, Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off a bat in Des Moines. In 1986, we observed the first official Martin Luther King Jr Day. In 2017, Outrage Orange was inaugurated and the torturous rollercoaster ride began. In 2018, the American government shut down with everyone blaming everyone else like big bully babies. Happy Birthday, Ruth St. Denis, Lead Belly, Federico Fellini, Carol Heiss, David Lynch. It's Martyrs' Day in Azerbaijan, Heroes' Day in Cape Verde and Shit Show Day in America . . . AGAIN. Mission: Let's get off this rollercoaster and defeat these zombies this year.
Jan 13, 2018
January 13. In 1854, the accordion was patented. In 1863, the chenille yarn-making machine was patented. In 1928, TV was demonstrated for the first time. In 1898, Emile Zola published his “J’accuse” letter, accusing the French government of framing Alfred Dreyfus for sabotage. (Dreyfus was exonerated in 1906.) In 1938, the Church of England accepted the theory of evolution, displaying brain activity. In 1942, Henry Ford patented the plastic car made partially of soybeans and hemp. In 1962, Wilt Chamberlain scored 73 points against Chicago. In 1966, Robert C. Weaver became the first African-American Cabinet member (HUD) under President Johnson. In 1978, NASA chose its first American women astronauts. In 1992, Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean women to serve as sex slaves during WW2. Happy Birthday, Sophie Tucker, Carolyn Heilbrun, Edmund White, Lorrie Moore, Shonda Rhimes. It’s Democracy Day in Cape Verde and Liberation Day in Togo. It’s Shame Day in America, once again. Mission: #impeach #resist #trumpsexpredator #zombieapocalypse #fakechristians #traitors #DemocracyInDanger
Jan 6, 2018
January 6. In 1759, George Washington got married to Martha Custis. In 1896, the first American women’s six-day bicycle race was held at Madison Square Garden. In1907, Maria Montessori opened her first school for working class children in Rome. In 1942, Pan Am flew the first around-the-world flight. In 1952, “Peanuts” debuted in Sunday papers. In 1994, Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed in Detroit. In 1999, the 106th US Congress opened and the first agenda item was the impeachment proceedings of President Clinton. (Ah, impeachment . . . ) In 2001, Congress declared George W. Bush winner of 2000 elections (ah, the good old days). In 2017, Outrage Orange declared himself a “stable genius” on Twitter, contrary to reality. Happy Birthday, Joan of Arc, Danny Thomas, Alan Watts, E.L. Doctorow, Sister Sledge. It’s Epiphany. Mission: If you’re going to call yourself a Christian, be one. #impeach #trumpsexpredator #zombieapocalypse #fakechristians