Apr 20, 2019
April 20. In 1653, Oliver Cromwell dissolved the Rump Parliament. In 1657, the Jews of New Amsterdam (later NYC) were granted freedom of religion. In 1832, Hot Springs National Park was created by an act of Congress, setting it aside as the first recreational preserve. In 1837, the power loom was patented. In 1862, Louis Pasteur and Claude Bernard disproved the theory of spontaneous generation. In 1902, the Curies isolated radium. In 1959, Dolly Parton's first single "Puppy Love" was released. In 1972, Apollo 16 landed on the moon. In 1999, 13 people were killed in the Columbine High School massacre. In 2008, Danica Patrick became the first woman to win an indy car race (Indy Japan 300). Happy Birthday, Dinah Craik, George Takei, Betty Cuthbert, Edie Sedgwick, Jessica Lange. It's Cannabis Culture Day and Chinese Language Day. Mission: 劾.
Apr 13, 2019
April 13. In 1613, Samuel Argall captured Pocahontas in Virginia and ransomed her for English prisoners held by her father. In 1796, the first elephant arrived in the US from India. In 1829, the English Parliament granted freedom of religion to Catholics, as well as the right to vote and to sit in Parliament. In 1860, the first mail was delivered via Pony Express--St. Joseph, MO, to Sacramento, CA. In 1919, Eugene Debs was imiprisoned in Georgia for speaking out against the draft during WW1. In 1958, Van Cliburn became the first American to win the Tchaikovsky International Piano Contest in Moscow. In 1964, Sidney Poitier became the first African-American to win an Oscar for best actor. In 1979, the world's longest doubles ping-pong match ended after 101 hours. In 1990, the Soviet union took responsibility for the WW2 murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish officers in the Katyn Forest, which they had previously blamed on the Nazis. In 1997, Tiger Woods became the youngest person (21) to win the Masters and to set a record with his 18 under par score. Happy Birthday, Josephine Butler, Madalyn Murray O'Hair, Eudora Welty, Ruby Puryear Hearn, Rae Armantrout, Amy Goodman. It's Unfairly Prosecuted Persons Day in Slovakia. Mission: Prosecute the right people. I can think of one in particular.
Apr 6, 2019
April 6. In 1712, the New York Slave Revolt began near Broadway for which 21 men were eventually executed. In 1808, John Jacob Astor incorporated the American Fur Company, turning him into the first American millionaire. In 1830, Mexico disallowed emigration into Texas by US settlers (Ha!). In 1903, French Army Nationalists were found to have forged documents to guarantee the conviction of Alfred Dreyfus. In 1916, Charlie Chaplin (26) signed a $675,000 contract making him the highest paid film star in the world. In 1917, America entered World War 1. In 1941, Germany invaded Yugoslavia and Greece. In 1962, the Russian newspaper Pravda warned youth about the dangers of tw isting. In 1963, the Kingsmen recorded "Louie Louie." Happy Birthday, Rose Schneiderman, Dorothy Donegan, Jeanne Hebuterne, Leonora Carrington, Helen Berman. It's Tartan Day. Mission: Twist and shout. Wear plaid.
Mar 30, 2019
March 30. In 1855, 5000 Missourians invaded Kansas and forced the election of a pro-slavery legislature. (There's something familiar about this.) In 1858, Hyman Lipman patented the pencil. In 1867, the US bought Alaska from Russia for $7.2 million. In 1870, the 15th Amendment, guaranteeing the right to vote regardless of race, was passed by Congress. In 1939, Batman was introduced in the comic book "Detective Comics #27." In 1946, the Allies seized 1000 Nazis trying to revive the party in Frankfurt. In 1950, President Truman denounced Senator Joe McCarthy as a saboteur. In 1958, the Alvin Ailey Dance Theater gave its first performance. In 1981, President Reagan, James Brady and two police officers were shot by John Hinckley Jr. Happy Birthday, Astrud Gilberto, Lene Lovich, Tracy Chapman, Secretariat, Norah Jones. It's National Doctors' Day & Spiritual Baptist/Shouter Liberation Day. Mission: Shout against this heinous machine. Denounce the saboteurs of democracy.
Mar 23, 2019
March 23. In 1775, Patrick Henry declared "Give me liberty or give me death!" in a speech in Richmond, VA. In 1794, Josiah Pierson patented a rivet machine. In 1806, Lewis and Clark reached the Pacific coast. In 1839, "OK" was first printed in the Boston Morning Post. In 1840, the first successful photo of the Moon was taken. In 1857, Elisha Otis installed the first modern passenger elevator in a public building in NYC. In 1868, the University of California was founded in Oakland. In 1880, John Stevens patented teh grain crushing mill that increased flour production by 70%. In 1901, Dame Nellie Melba revealed the secret to her toast. In 1912, the Dixie Cup was invented. In 1932, the Norris-LaGuardia Act established workers' right to strike. In 1933, Germany adopted the Enabling Act that effectively granted Hitler dictatorial legislative powers. In 1942, the US government began evacuating Japanese-Americans from West Coast homes to detention centers. In 1972, Evel Knievel broke 93 bones after jumping 35 cars. In 1998, Germany's largest bank pledged $3.1 million to Jewish foundations as restitution for Nazi looting. Happy Birthday, Susan Jane Cunningham, Emmy Noether, Bette Nesmith Graham, Chaka Khan, Catherine Keener. it's Hungarian-Polish Friendship Day and World Meteorological Day. Mission: Be riveting. P.S. Any Hungarians out there? Wanna be friends?
Mar 16, 2019
March 16. In 1190, the Crusaders began massacring the Jews of York. (I guess they didn't get last week's direction). In 1521, Magellan reached the Phillippines but the natives killed him the next month. In 1850, THE SCARLET LETTER was published. In 1883, Susan Hayhurst became the first woman to graduate from pharmacy school. In 1935, Hitler ordered Germany to re-arm in violation of the Treaty of Versailles. In 1950, Congress voted to remove federal taxes on oleomargarine. In 1963, "Puff the Magic Dragon" was released. In 1968, US troops destroyed a village of women and children in the My Lai massacre. In 1993, France declared ostrich meat fit for human consumption. In 1994, Tonya Harding was fined $100,000 and banned from amateur figure skating for her role in the Nancy Kerrigan attack. In 1995, Mississippi ratified the 13th Amendment, becoming the last state to approve the abolition of slavery 130 years after its official ratification. (Mississippi, you shame us over and over.) In 2003, American activist Rachel Corrie was killed in Rafah. Happy Birthday, Anna Atkins, Rosa Bonheur, Fannie Dillon, Ethel Anderson, Nancy Wilson. It's Day of the Book Smugglers in Lithuania. Mission: Use butter.
Mar 9, 2019
March 9. In 1496, Jews were expelled from Carintha, Austria. In 1497, Copernicus recorded the first astronomical observation. In 1562, kissing in public was banned in Nipples, I mean, Naples. In 1689, Thomas Shadwell became the English Poet Laureate after John Dryden refused to swear an oath of allegiance. In 1745, the first carillon bells were shipped to America. In 1822, the first artifical teeth were patented. In 1841, the Supreme Court ruled the kidnapped slaves from the Spanish schooner Amistad were free. In 1842, gold was discovered at Rancho San Francisco. In 1918, the Jews of Seredino Buda were massacred by Ukrainian mobs. In 1926, Bertha Landes became the first female mayor of Seattle. In 1936, the German press warned all Jews who voted would be arrested. In 1959, the first radar contact was made with Venus. On the same day, Barbie made her debut at the American Toy Fair. In 1960, the first shunt was implanted. In 1964, the first Ford Mustang was produced. In 1986, the remains of the Challenger astronauts were found. In 1997, Notorious B.I.G. was killed in LA. Happy Birthday, Vita Sackville-West, Keely Smith, Raul Julia, Keri Hulme, Juliette Binoche. It's Teachers' Day in Lebanon. Mission: Don't sign oaths of allegiance to anything but kindness and generosity and art. And leave the Jews alone, for Christ's sake.
Mar 2, 2019
March 2. In 1127, Charles the Good was assassinated (and it's been downhill ever since). In 1807, Congress passed an act prohibiting the importation of slaves from any foreign country. In 1836, Texas declared independence from Mexico. In 1859, the Great Slave Auction (largest in US history) began. In 1877, although Samuel Tilden won the popular vote, Rutherford Hayes was declared President. (Argggghhh) In 1908, three-dimensional color photography was introduced in Paris. In 1917, the Russian Revolution began. On the same day, citizens of Puerto Rico were granted US citizenship. In 1933, "King Kong" premiered.In 1946, Ho Chi Minh was elected President of North Vietnam. In 1962, Wilt Chamberlain scored 100 points against the Knicks. In 1963, CDs were released for the first time in the US. In 1985, the US approved a screening test for AIDS, keeping contaminated blood out of the blood supply. In 1990, Nelson Mandela was elected deputy President of the African National Congress. In 2017, Moscovium, Tennessine and Oganesson were officially added to the periodic table. Happy birthday, Susanna M. Salter, Theodor Seuss Geisel, Tamara Toumanova, Lou Reed, Karen Carpenter. It's Peasants' Day in Myanmar. Mission: Let's get rid of all this contamination by the greedy.
Feb 23, 2019
February 23. In 1813, the first American raw-cotton-to-cloth mill was founded in Waltham, MA. In 1836, the siege of the Alamo began. In 1861, President Lincoln arrived secretly in DC to take office after an assassination attempt in Baltimore. That same day, Texas seceded from the Union.(Babies.) In 1886, Charles Hall completed his invention of aluminum. In 1896, the Tootsie Roll was introduced. In 1898, Emile Zola was imprisoned for accusing the French government of anti-Semitism in the jailing of Alfred Dreyfus. In 1919, the Fascist Party was formed in Italy. (In 2019, 100 years laters, it continued to flourish in America.) In 1941, plutonium was first produced and isolated. In 1974, the SLA demanded a $4 million ransom for the release of Patty Hearst. In 2000, Robby Knievel jumped 200 feet over an oncoming train on a motocycle. Happy Birthday, Emma Willard, Agnes Royden, Mary Francis Shura, Sylvia Chase, Rebecca Goldstein. Mission: Leap. Chew. Smash the patriarchy.
Oct 27, 2018
October 27. In 1659, William Robinson and Marmaduke Steveson became the first Quakers to be executed in America. (Yes, Quakers are very bad hombres.) In 1858, Roland Macy opened a department store. It was his 8th business venture after 7 fails. In 1925, water skis were patented. In 1938, DuPont announced "nylon" as the new name for its synthetic yarn. In 1967, Catholic priest Philip Berrigan and the "Baltimore Four" poured blood on Selective Service records to protest the Vietnam War. In 1973, a 1.4kg meteorite struck Canon City, CO. In 1998, Peggy Lee became mute from a serious stroke. Happy Birthday, Sigrid Hjerten, Lee Krasner, Sylvia Plath, Maxine Hong Kingston, Fran Lebowitz. It's Flag Day in Greece. Mission: Honor the American flag by voting out these traitorous, greedy, corrupt zombies. P.S. Don't put your head in the oven--no matter how bad it seems.
Oct 20, 2018
October 20. In 1774, the new Continental Congress passed an order "discouraging horse racing, gaming, cock fighting, exhibitions of shows, plays and other expensive diversions and entertainment." In 1944, Belgrade and Dubrovnik were liberated. In 1947, the misguided House Un-American Activities Committee opened hearings into alleged Communist influence in the movie industry. In 1952, the Mau Mau uprising against white settlers began in Kenya. In 1955, Harry Belafonte recorded "The Banana Boat Song (Day-O)." In 1968, Jackie married Aristotle. In 1973, Nixon fired US Attorney General Richardson & Deputy Attorney General Ruckelshaus after they refused to fire Watergate special prosecutor Cox, who was finally fired by Robert Bork (known as the Saturday Night Massacre.) Happy Birthday, Isabelle de Charriere, Arthur Rimbaud, Enolia McMillan, Bobby Seale, Julie Payette. It's Revolution Day in Guatelmala, Heroes' Day in Kenya and Vietnamese Women's Day. Mission: VOTE TO SAVE AMERICA from the rising fascism, white supremacy, barbarism, constant lying, corruption, slime, greed, and utter zombie-ism of the current bullshit administration of cowards as if your life depended on it--because, of course, it does.
Oct 13, 2018
October 13. In 1582, because of the adoption of the Gregorian calendar, this day actually did not exist in Italy, Poland, Portugal or Spain. In 1908, Margaret Travers Symons burst into the UK Parliament and became the first woman to speak there. In 1953, an ultrasonic burglar alarm was patented. In 1962, "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" opened on Broadway. Also in 1962, the Pacific Northwest experienced a cyclone equal to a Category 3 hurricane. Forty-six people died. In 1963, the Beatles appeared on the first major British TV show ("Sunday Night at the Palladium.") In 1970, Janis Joplin's ashes were scattered off the coast of California. In 2010, the 33 Chilean miners arrived at the surface after 69 days underground. Happy Birthday, Mary Kingsley, Lenny Bruce, Nana Mouskouri, Shirley Caesar, Paul Simon. It's International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction. Mission: Resist natural disasters. Vote the zombies OUT.
Oct 8, 2018
October 6. In 1880, the National League kicked the Cincinnati Reds out of the league for selling BEER [fucking beer]. In 1889, the Moulin Rouge opened its doors to the public for the first time. In 1890, the Mormons outlawed polygamy. In 1939, Adolf Hitler denied any intention of going to war against Britain or France (another lying monster). In 1961, President Kennedy advised Americans to build bomb shelters for protection against the bomb-crazy Soviet Union. In 1969, George Harrison finally got the A side of a Beatles '45 with "Something." In 1980, Johnny Rotten was arrested in Dublin during a pub fight. In 1991, Elizabeth Taylor married Larry Fortensky at Michael Jackson's. It was her 8th marriage. In 1995, the first planet orbiting another sun (51 Pegasi b [crappy name] was discovered. In 2018, Gina got married & Ophelia turned 1. Happy Birthday, Caroline Gordon, Florence Seibert, Vivion Brewer, Helen Willis Moody--and Ophelia, of course. It's World Space Week. Mission: STOP THIS SHIT!
Sep 29, 2018
September 29. In 1789, the first regular army was established in the US War Dept. In 1923, the First American Track and Field Championships for women was held. In 1960, "My Three Sons" debuted. In 1962, President Kennedy nationalized the Mississippi National Guard in response to city officials defying federal court orders to enroll James Meredith at the University of Mississippi. In 1977, Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a heavyweight title boxing match between Ali and Shavers. In 1984, Elizabeth Taylor was voted the world's most beautiful woman. In 1994, the US House voted to end allowing lobbyists to buy meals and entertainment for members of Congress. In 2004, the asteroid 4179 Toutatis passed within four lunar distances of Earth. Happy Birthday, Diana Vreeland, Michelangelo Antonioni, Barbara Mertz, Madeline Kahn, Maureen Caird. It's World Heart Day and Inventors' Day. Mission: "The only way to kill a zombie is to destroy its brain." So far, so good. Their brains seem to be in shit shape already. Not far to go. Smash the patriarchy.
Sep 22, 2018
September 22. In 1692, the last hanging of convicted "witches" occurred in the Salem witchcraft absurdities. In 1862, President LIncoln issued the preliminary Emancipation Proclamation, stating all slaves would be free 1/1/63. In 1888, the first issue of National Geographic was published. In 1903, Italo Marchiony patented the ice cream cone. In 1941 on Rosh Hashona, 6000 Jews in Vinnytsia, Ukraine, were murdered by the German SS a few days after 24,000 Jews were executed in the same place. In 1949, the Soviet Union exploded its first atomic bomb. In 1961, JFK established the Peace Corps. In 1962, Bob Dylan made his first appearance at Carnegie Hall. In 1969, Willie Mays hit his 600th home run. In 1972, David Bowie began his first US tour. Happy Birthday, Lillian Chestney, Rosamunde Pilcher, Fay Weldon, Joan Jett, Tai Babilonia. It's Resistance Fighting Day in Estonia. Mission: Hang GOP zombies, not witches. Resist this patriarchical bullshit.
Sep 15, 2018
September 15. In 1776, the British occupied New York City. In 1821, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and El Salvador proclaimed independence. In 1858, the first mail service to the Pacific Coast began. In 1923, Oklahoma was placed under martial law due to terrorist activity by the KKK. In 1928, Alexander Fleming discovered penicillin in mold. In 1935, the Nuremberg Laws were enacted, stripping German Jews of their civil rights and making the swastika the official symbol of Germany. In 1955, Betty Robbins became the first woman cantor. In 1963, the 16th Street Baptist Church was bombed in Birmingham, killing four children. In 1967, LBJ wrote Congress urging gun control legislation after the University of Texas sniper attack. In 1982, Sandra Day O'Connor became the first female Supreme Court Justice. In 1997, google.com was registered. Happy Birthday, Agatha Christie, Jean Renoir, Cannonball Adderly, Jessye Norman, Prince Harry. It's International Day of Democracy. Mission: Resist the destruction of democracy in America by a demagogue and his wusses.
Sep 8, 2018
September 8. In 1664, the Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, who then renamed it New York. In 1866, the first recorded birth of sextuplets took place in Chicago. In 1945, Bess Myerson became the first Jewish woman crowned Miss America. In 1966, the first "Star Trek" was broadcast. In 1974, President Ford pardoned President Nixon. Happy Birthday, Antonin Dvorak, Sid Caesar, Patsy Cline, Ann Beattie, Aimee Mann. It's World Physical Therapy Day. Mission: Ummmm. Don't even think about it (see fact #5).
Sep 1, 2018
In 1878, Emma M. Nutt became the first female telephone operator in America. In 1887, Emile Berliner patented the device that became the record player, perfected later by Thomas Edison. In 1939, Germany invaded Poland, thereby starting World War II in Europe. The same day, Hitler signed an order beginning the systematic euthanasia of the mentally ill and disabled. In 1945, Japan surrendered, ending World War II. In 1956, Elvis bought his mother a pink Cadillac. In 1985, the wreckage of the Titanic was found 453 miles off the Newfoundland coast. In 1995, Louis Armstrong was honored on a US postage stamp. In 1997, prosecutors announced the driver of Princess Diana's fatal car was legally drunk. In 1998, the first Harry Potter book was released in America. Happy Birthday, Liz Carpenter, Soshana Afroyim, Ann Richards, Lily Tomlin, Gloria Estefan. It's Knowledge Day in Russia and Random Acts of Kindness Day across the globe. Mission: Think and act kindly.
August 4. In 1693, Dom Perignon perfected sparkling wine and is considered the inventor of champagne. In 1735, freedom of the press was established with the acquittal of John Zenger, a writer for the New York Weekly Journal, who had been charged with seditious libel. The jury said "Truth is not libelous." In 1922, Alexander Graham Bell died and AT&T and Bell Systems shut down their switchboards and all 13 million phones to honor him. In 1944, the Frank family was discovered by the Nazis and sent off to Auschwitz. A month later, Anne and her sister were sent to Bergen-Belsen, where they both died of typhus. Soon after, Bergen-Belsen was liberated. In 1957, Florence Chadwick set a world record, swimming the English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes. In 1966, most US radio stations banned all Beatles records in response to John saying they were more popular than Jesus. In 1987, the William Faulkner stamp went on sale in Oxford, MS, where Faulkner had been fired as postmaster in 1924. Happy Birthday, Percy Shelley, the Queen Mother (Elizabeth), Louis Armstrong, Mary Decker, Barack Obama. It's Revolution Day in Burkina Faso. Mission: Act Burkinabe.
Aug 25, 2018
August 25. In 1609, Galileo Galilei demonstrated his first telescope. In 1814, the US Library of Congress was destroyed by the British. In 1875, Captain Matthew Webb became the first person to swim the English Channel. In 1920, Ethelda Bleibtrey became the first woman to win an Olympic medal (100m freestyle). In 1921, US signed a peace treaty w/Germany. In 1939, the "Wizard of Oz" opened across America. In 1944, Paris was liberated by the Allies. In 1967, George Lincoln Rockwell, founder of the American Nazi Party, was assassinated by a former member of the group. In 1970, Elton John made his first live performance in the US. In 2001, Aaliyah was killed when her plane crashed in the Bahamas. Happy Birthday, Bret Harte, Ruby Keeler, Dorothea Tanning, Leonard Bernstein, Althea Gibson. It's Liberation Day in France and Independence Day in Uruguay. MIssion: Liberate America from this ostentatious corruption.