Feb 17, 2018
February 17. In 1621, Myles Standish was elected first commander of the Plymouth Colony. In 1817, Baron Karl von Drais de Sauerbrun patented the "draisine," an early bicycle. In 1876, Julius Wolff canned sardines for the first time. In 1904, "Madame Butterfly" premiered in Milan. In 1913, the NY Armory Show introduced the US public to Van Gogh, Cezanne, Picassso, Matisse, Duchamp, etc. In 1933, Prohibition ended. In 1969, Bob Dylan and Johnny Cash recorded an album they never released. Happy Birthday, Lola Montez, Marian Anderson, Chaim Potok, Gene Pitney, Huey Newton. It's Random Acts of Kindness Day in America and Revolution Day in Libya. Mission: Be nice, I guess.
Feb 10, 2018
February 10. In 1355, the St. Scholastica Day riot broke out in Oxford (over unsatisfactory drinks), leaving 63 scholars and 30 locals dead. In 1895, volleyball was invented. In 1932, the US entered the two-man bobsled competition for the first time at the Olympic Games in Lake Placid, NY. In 1950, Senator Joseph “What-An-Asshole” McCarthy charged the State Department was riddled with Communists. In 1960, the first star, for Joanne Woodward, was placed on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. In 1967, the 25th Amendment, allowing for incapacitated Presidents to be removed, was ratified. In 2007, Barack Obama announced his candidacy for President. In 2018, Outrage Orange blocked the release of the Democratic memo and Mike Dense did not STAND when the Korean delegation entered the Olympic arena. (Say what?) Happy Birthday, Amy Lowell, Boris Pasternak, Bertolt Brecht, Frances Moore Lappe, Carole King. Mission: De-sleaze American government. Lock more of these criminals up.
Feb 3, 2018
February 3. In 1690, the first paper money was issued in America and was used to pay soldiers fighting a war against Quebec. (Wars, wars, wars.) In 1815, the world’s first commercial cheese factory was established in Switzerland. In 1870, the 15th Amendment was ratified, guaranteeing voting rights to all males, regardless of race. In 1913, the 16th Amendment, authorizing income taxes, was ratified. In 1959, Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and the Big Bopper died in a plane crash in Iowa. In 1961, Bob Dylan made his first recording—“San Francisco Bay Blues.” In 1971, Frank Serpico was shot during a drug bust in Brooklyn. In 1995, Astronaut Eileen Collins became the first woman to pilot the Space Shuttle. In 2018, Outrage Orange tweeted that he was exonerated in a Russian probe because of a fake memo. (Hahahaha. What an incredible shit show in America.) Happy Birthday, Felix Mendelssohn, Simone Weil, Joey Bishop, Helen Stephens, Shelley Berman. It’s Heroes’ Day in Mozambique. Mission: Be a hero: Don’t fight. Eat cheese. And lock this fool up. IT’S ENOUGH ALREADY.
Jan 27, 2018
January 27. In 1926, John Baird, a Scottish inventor, demonstrated an early television. In 1945, Soviet troops liberated Auschwitz and Birkenau. In 1967, more than 60 nations signed the Outer Space Treaty, banning nuclear weapons in space. In 1971, David Bowie visited America for the first time. He didn’t perform, but did wear dresses in Texas and Louisiana, which caused a bit of a stir. In 1973, the Vietnam peace accords were signed in Paris. In 2010, the iPad was introduced. Happy Birthday, Wolfgang A. Mozart, Lewis Carroll, Samuel Gompers, Lawrence Durrell, Mikhail Baryshnikov. It’s Holocaust Remembrance Day. Mission: Dance while crying. Cry while dancing. Wear a dress.
Jan 20, 2018
January 20. In 1783, Great Britain and the US signed a peace treaty officially ending the American Revolutionary War. In 1885, the rollercoaster was patented. In 1942, Nazi officials arrived at their "final solution," calling for the extermination of European Jews. In 1944, the British Air Force dropped 2300 tons of bombs on Berlin. In 1958, Elvis got his orders to report to the US Army. In 1982, Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off a bat in Des Moines. In 1986, we observed the first official Martin Luther King Jr Day. In 2017, Outrage Orange was inaugurated and the torturous rollercoaster ride began. In 2018, the American government shut down with everyone blaming everyone else like big bully babies. Happy Birthday, Ruth St. Denis, Lead Belly, Federico Fellini, Carol Heiss, David Lynch. It's Martyrs' Day in Azerbaijan, Heroes' Day in Cape Verde and Shit Show Day in America . . . AGAIN. Mission: Let's get off this rollercoaster and defeat these zombies this year.
Jan 13, 2018
January 13. In 1854, the accordion was patented. In 1863, the chenille yarn-making machine was patented. In 1928, TV was demonstrated for the first time. In 1898, Emile Zola published his “J’accuse” letter, accusing the French government of framing Alfred Dreyfus for sabotage. (Dreyfus was exonerated in 1906.) In 1938, the Church of England accepted the theory of evolution, displaying brain activity. In 1942, Henry Ford patented the plastic car made partially of soybeans and hemp. In 1962, Wilt Chamberlain scored 73 points against Chicago. In 1966, Robert C. Weaver became the first African-American Cabinet member (HUD) under President Johnson. In 1978, NASA chose its first American women astronauts. In 1992, Japan apologized for forcing tens of thousands of Korean women to serve as sex slaves during WW2. Happy Birthday, Sophie Tucker, Carolyn Heilbrun, Edmund White, Lorrie Moore, Shonda Rhimes. It’s Democracy Day in Cape Verde and Liberation Day in Togo. It’s Shame Day in America, once again. Mission: #impeach #resist #trumpsexpredator #zombieapocalypse #fakechristians #traitors #DemocracyInDanger
Jan 6, 2018
January 6. In 1759, George Washington got married to Martha Custis. In 1896, the first American women’s six-day bicycle race was held at Madison Square Garden. In1907, Maria Montessori opened her first school for working class children in Rome. In 1942, Pan Am flew the first around-the-world flight. In 1952, “Peanuts” debuted in Sunday papers. In 1994, Nancy Kerrigan was clubbed in Detroit. In 1999, the 106th US Congress opened and the first agenda item was the impeachment proceedings of President Clinton. (Ah, impeachment . . . ) In 2001, Congress declared George W. Bush winner of 2000 elections (ah, the good old days). In 2017, Outrage Orange declared himself a “stable genius” on Twitter, contrary to reality. Happy Birthday, Joan of Arc, Danny Thomas, Alan Watts, E.L. Doctorow, Sister Sledge. It’s Epiphany. Mission: If you’re going to call yourself a Christian, be one. #impeach #trumpsexpredator #zombieapocalypse #fakechristians
Dec 30, 2017
December 30. In 1924, Edwin Hubble announced the existence of other galaxies. In 1936, the UAW staged its first sit-down strike (Fisher Body Plant in Flint, MI). In 1953, the first color TVs went on sale ($1175). In 1972, the US halted its heavy bombing in North Vietnam. In 1996, 250,000 striking workers shut down vital services across Israel protesting Netanyahu’s budget cuts (hint, hint). In 1999, George Harrison was stabbed four times in the chest during a home invasion robbery. In 2006, Saddam Hussein was executed. In 2009, 40,000 gallons of diesel oil turned the Yellow River into the toxic brown river when a pipeline ruptured. Happy Birthday, Rudyard Kipling, Skeeter Davis, Patti Smith, Tracey Ullman, LeBron James. Mission: Peace and Noise [a Patti Smith album title].
Dec 23, 2017
December 23. In 583, the first female ruler in recorded Maya history, Yohl Ik’nal, was crowned ruler of Palenque. In 1856, the rotary egg beater was patented. In 1888, either Vincent Van Gogh or Paul Gauguin (there is controversy) cut off part of Vincent’s earlobe after a quarrel with a sword. In 1951, an NFL championship game (Rams v Browns) was nationally televised for the first time. In 1954, the first successful kidney transplant was performed. In 1964, Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys suffered a nervous breakdown on a flight from LA to Houston and left the group. In 1972, the 16 survivors of the Andes flight disaster were rescued after 73 days. In 1977, Cat Stevens converted to Islam and became Yusuf Islam. Happy Birthday, Anna Jane Harrison, Robert Bly, Chet Baker, Esther Phillips, Tim Hardin. It’s Festivus, HumanLight and Night of the Radishes. Mission: Women, it’s time. Let’s beat them and take over. And Merry Christmas. Here’s hoping certain fake Christians start acting like real ones again soon.
Dec 16, 2017
December 16. In 1773, patriots disguised as Mohawk Indians dumped 350 chests of tea into Boston Harbor to protest taxation without representation and the monopoly granted the East India Company. (Same old screw-the-people shit.) In 1809, Napoleon and Josephine divorced. In 1950, President Truman proclaimed a national state of emergency in order to fight Communist imperialism. In 1998, the scroll wheel for a computer mouse was patented. Happy Birthday, L.V. Beethoven, Jane Austen, George Santayana, Margaret Mead, Liv Ullman. It is the Day of Reconciliation. Mission: Help me proclaim a national state of emergency in order to fight GOP greed, dishonesty, collusion, regression and blatant hypocrisy. #impeach #ResignNow #trumpsexpredator #HimToo #stormtheWhiteHouse
Dec 9, 2017
December 9. In 1793, New York City’s first daily newspaper was established (American Minerva). In 1872, PBS Pinchback became the first African-American governor in America. In 1884, the ball-bearing roller skate was patented. In 1897, Marguerite Durand founded the feminist daily La Fronde in Paris. In 1941, China declared war on Japan, Germany and Italy. In 1979, smallpox was eradicated, making it the first and only human disease driven to extinction. In 1996, women in Ontario, Canada, won the right to be topless in public. Happy Birthday, John Milton, Dalton Trumbo, John Cassavetes, Judi Dench, Joan Armatrading. It’s International Anti-Corruption Day. Mission: Clean f*cking house.
Dec 2, 2017
December 2. In 1763, the first synagogue in the future US was dedicated in Newport, Rhode Island. In 1804, Napoleon was crowned emperor of France. In 1867, Charles Dickens gave his first reading in America. In 1901, Gillette patented the first razor with a permanent handle and disposable double-edged blades. In 1942, a self-sustaining nuclear chain reaction was demonstrated by Dr. E. Fermi at University of Chicago. In 1954, the US Senate voted to condemn Senator McCarthy for “conduct that tends to bring the Senate dishonor and disrepute.” [Ahhhh, the good old days.] In 1970 the EPA began operating. In 1982, the first heart transplant was performed on Barney Clark at University of Utah. In 2001, Enron filed for bankruptcy. In 2010, NASA announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based life form. In 2015, 14 people were killed and 22 wounded in the San Bernardino, CA, shooting. Happy Birthday, George Seurat, Maria Callas, Penelope Spheeris, T. Coraghessan Boyle, Ann Patchett. It’s International Day for the Abolition of Slavery. Mission is obvious: CONDEMN THE GOP FOR BRINGING DISHONOR AND DISREPUTE ON THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT AND THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. AND work to abolish the enslavement of American politicians to big money.
Nov 18, 2017
November 18. In 401, the Visigoths crossed the Alps and invaded northern Italy. In 1302, Pope Boniface VIII issued the Unam Sanctum, claiming spiritual supremacy for the papacy. In 1872, Susan B. Anthony and 14 other women were arrested in Rochester for voting illegally in the Presidential election. They did not pay the fine. In 1928, the first fully synchronized sound cartoon was released starring Mickey and Minnie Mouse. It was directed by Walt Disney and Ub Iwerks. In 1959, “Ben Hur,” the movie that introduced me to leprosy, which gave me nightmares for years, premiered at Loew’s Theater in NYC. In 1961, JFK sent 18,000 troops to South Vietnam. In 1966, US Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against eating meat on Fridays (goodbye fish sticks). In 1969, Charles “Pete” Conrad Jr and Alan Bean landed on the moon in the 2nd manned lunar mission. In 2003, the Supreme Court of Massachusetts ruled the ban on same-sex marriage to be unconstitutional and gave the state legislature 180 days to change the law. Happy Birthday, Imogene Coca, Don Cherry, Brenda Vaccaro, Margaret Atwood, Chloe Sevigny. Mission: Impeach Predator Trump NOW. End this shit show. It’s enough already.
Nov 11, 2017
November 11. In 1831, Nat Turner was hanged. In 1851, the telescope was patented. In 1918, World War I ended when the Allies and Germany signed an armistice. Later that day, Poland was re-established. In 1940, the Jeep debuted. In 1952, the first video recorder was demonstrated in Beverly Hills. In 1965, Rhodesia (now Zimbabwe) declared its independence from Britain. In 1972, Berry Oakley of the Allman Brothers was killed in a motorcycle accident. In 1992, the Church of England voted to ordain women as priests. In 1993, the Vietnam Women’s Memorial in DC was dedicated to honor the more than 11,000 who served. In 1998, Jay Cochrane set a record for the longest blindfolded skywalk. In 2004, the PLO confirmed the death of Yasser Arafat. Happy Birthday, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Shirley Graham Du Bois, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr., Jonathan Winters, Bibi Andersson. Mission: Look upward after your breakfast of champions.
Nov 4, 2017
November 4. In 1429, Joan of Arc liberated Saint-Pierre-le-Moutier in the Armagnac-Burgundian Civil War. In 1842, Abe Lincoln and Mary Todd got married. In 1846, the patent for an artificial leg was granted. In 1880, the first cash register was patented. In 1924, Nellie T. Ross was elected the first female governor in America (Wyoming). In 1939, the first air-conditioned car was displayed. In 1960, Dr. Jane Goodall observed chimps creating tools. In 1961, Bob Dylan made his Carnegie Chapter Hall debut. Fifty people came to the show and paid $2/each. In 1989, a million East Germans held a pro-democracy rally in East Berlin. In 1995, Israeli Prime Minister Rabin was assassinated by a right-wing Israeli after a peace rally. In 2008, Barack Obama became the first non-White person to be elected President of the US. Happy Birthday, Walter Cronkite, Mary Sherman Morgan, Hannah Weiner, C.K. Williams, Robert Mapplethorpe. Mission: Scour out the sleaze. It’s everywhere.
Oct 28, 2017
October 28. [A slow news day.] In 1492, Christopher Columbus landed in Cuba. In 1636, the Massachusetts Bay Colony established Harvard. In 1793, Eli Whitney patented that old cotton gin. In 1886, the Statue of Liberty was dedicated by President Cleveland. In 1918, Czechoslovakia declared independence from Austria-Hungary after 300 years. In 1919, Congress enacted the National Prohibition Act. In 1956, Elvis Presley received a polio vaccination on TV, credited with raising immunization levels from .06% to 80% in six months. Happy Birthday, Edith Head, Evelyn Waugh, Jonas Salk, Cleo Laine, Wayne Fontana. It’s International Animation Day. Mission: Prohibit destructive idiocy in American government.
Oct 21, 2017
October 21. In 1774, the word LIBERTY appeared on a colonial flag in Taunton, MA, in defiance of British rule. In 1849, the first tattooed man, James O’Donnell, was put on exhibition at the Franklin Theatre in NYC. In 1858, the Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris. In 1917, the first US soldier entered combat in WW1 in Nancy, France. In 1918, Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 wpm (I could have challenged her in my legal secretary days). In 1921, President Harding spoke out against lynching. In 1925, 29,620 people were fined for alcohol violations. In 1945, women in France were allowed to vote for the first time. In 1994, North Korea and the US signed an agreement requiring North Korea to halt its nuclear program (hahaha). Happy Birthday, Samuel Coleridge, Dizzy Gillespie, Ursula LeGuin, Carrie Fisher, Elvin Bishop. It’s International Day of the Nacho. Mission: Defy for the sake of liberty (and let’s not forget: 94% of what POTUS says is a lie.)
Oct 14, 2017
October 14. In 1656, Massachusetts enacted punitive legislation against the Quakers, regarding them as politically subversive. (What???) In 1908, the Cubs clinched the World Series (and then waited 108 years to clinch another.) In 1912, Teddy Roosevelt was shot in the chest while campaigning in Milwaukee. In 1926, Winnie the Pooh was published. In 1933, Nazi Germany announced it was withdrawing from the League of Nations. In 1943, prisoners of the Polish Sobibor extermination camp revolted against the Germans. (300 escaped, but only 50 survived the war.) In 1944, Athens was liberated by the British. In 1947, Chuck Yeager broke the sound barrier in a Bell X-1 rocket plane. In 1962, US intelligence discovered Soviet missile sites in Cuba. In 1964, MLK, JR., received the Nobel Peace Prize. In 1966, Grace Slick debuted with the Jefferson Airplane. In 1968, Jim Hines became the first man to break 10 seconds in the 100-meter sprint. In 1979, 100,000 marched on Washington for Gay and Lesbian Rights. In 1982, President Reagan proclaimed a War on Drugs. Happy Birthday, Katherine Mansfield, e.e. cummings, Hannah Arendt, Katha Pollitt, Natalie Maines. It’s World Standards Day. Mission: Let’s raise ours in America.
Oct 7, 2017
October 7. In 3761, the modern Hebrew calendar began. In 1542, Cabrillo discovered Santa Catalina. In 1944, Jewish prisoners burned down Crematorium IV in an uprising at Birkenau. In 1956, a US House subcommittee began investigating allegedly rigged TV quiz shows. In 1968, the Motion Picture Association of America adopted the film-rating system. In 1996, Fox “Fake” News Channel began broadcasting [30% False/21% Mostly False/9% Outrageous Lying/10% True]. In 1998, Matthew Shepard was found tied to a fence after being savagely beaten by two young brainless adults in Laramie. Happy Birthday, Joe Hill, Desmond Tutu, Diane Ackerman, Yo-Yo Ma, Sherman Alexie. Mission: Grow your brain. [P.S. Granddaughter born 10/6/17 at 3:33 PM. Everyone doing fantastic.]
Sep 30, 2017
September 30. In 1846, Dr. William Morton performed the first painless tooth extraction using ether. In 1882, the first hydroelectric power plant began operating in Appleton, WI. In 1888, Jack the Ripper killed his 3rd and 4th victims, Elizabeth Stride and Catherine Eddowes. In 1927, Babe Ruth hit his 60th homerun of the season, a record that stood for 34 years until broken by Roger Maris. In 1946, 22 top Nazis were found guilty of war crimes by an international military tribunal in Nuremberg. In 1962, on his 4th attempt, James Meredith registered at the University of Mississippi. On the same day, Cesar Chavez founded the National Farm Workers Association. In 1997, France’s Roman Catholic Church apologized for its silence during the persecution and deportation of Jews. Happy Birthday, Rumi, Ann Jarvis, W.S. Merwin, Elie Wiesel, Frankie Lymon. It’s Blasphemy Day, which celebrates freedom of expression. Mission: Scream profanities at those who deserve them.