Jan 25, 2020
January 25. In 1799, the seeding machine was patented. In 1870, the ornamental soda fountain was patented. In 1890, the United Miine Workers of America was founded. On the same day, the amazing Nellie Bly completed her round-the-world journey. She only brought one dress. In 1915, Alexander Graham Bell inaugurated the first transcontinental telephone service. In 1947, the first electronic game, the Cathode Ray Tube Amusement Device, was patented. In 1949, the first Emmys were presented. In 1961, JFK had the first live Presidential news conference. In 1964, Nike was founded. In 1971, the Charles Manson and his posse of stupid women were found guilty in the Tate-LaBianca murders, contrary to Tarantino's storyline, unfortunately. In 1980, Paul McCartney was released from a Tokyo jail after trying to carry a half pound of marijuana through customs. In 1999, the first hand transplant was performed. Happy Birthday, Anna Gardner, Virginia Woolf, Etta James, Gloria Naylor, Alicia Keys. It's National Nutrition Day and National Voters' Day. Mission: Discover something instead of walking into the river. Eat well. VOTE!!!!!!
Jan 18, 2020
January 18. In 575, 7-year-old Leo II became Byzantine emperor, but died 10 months later. In 1896, the x-ray machine was exhibited for the first time. In 1919, the WW1 Peace Congress opened in Versailles. In 1943, American bakers stopped selling sliced bread until the end of WW2. Also in 1943, Jews in the Warsaw Ghetto had their first uprising. In 1950, the federal tax on margarine was repealed. In 1965, Barbra Streisand and Bobby Darin sang for LBJ's inauguration. In 1981, Phil Smith and Phil Mayfield parachuted off a Houston skyscraper becoming the first 2 people to base jump from a building, antennae, bridge and cliff. In 1990, Chicago Mayor Marion Barry was arrested for drug possession. In 1993, the MLK holiday was observed in all 50 US states for the first time. Happy Birthday, Denise Bombardier, Amy Barger, Mary Jepkosgei Keitany, Angelique Kerber. It's the Week of Prayer for Christian Unity. Mission: Act like a Christian if you call yourself one, dammit.
Jan 11, 2020
January 11. In 1770, the first shipment of rhubarb was sent to the US from London. In 1787, William Herschel discovered Titania and Oberon, two moons of Uranus. In 1861, Alabama seceded (hint). In 1878, milk was delivered in glass bottles for the first time. In 1908, Grand Canyon National Monument was created. In 1922, insulin was first used to treat a diabetic patient. In 1964, the US Surgeon General Luther Terry released a report saying cigarettes were a health hazard. In 1964, "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash became the first country album to top the pop chart. In 1968, Jimi Hendrix moved into the London townhouse where George F Handel had composed "Water Music" and "Messiah." In 1980, Nigel Short, age 14, became the youngest International master in the history of chess. Happy Birthday, Alice Paul, Ellinor Aiki, Eva Le Gallienne, Eva Hesse, Mary J. Blige. It's National Human Trafficking Awareness Day and Children's Day in Tunisia. Mission: Vote out the anuses, charge them with their crimes, lock them up, then make a rhubarb pie.
Jan 4, 2020
January 4. (Kind of a snoozer.) In 1762, Great Britain declared war on Spain, entering the Seven Years War. In 1948, Burma gained its independence from the United Kingdom. In 1953, tufted plastic carpeting was introduced. In 1958, Sputknik I fell to earth after 15 months in orbit. In 1974, Nixon refused to hand over tape recordings and documents subpoenaed by the Senate Watergate Committee. In 2007, Nancy Pelosi became the first female Speaker of the House. Happy Birthday, Barbara Rush, Marie-Thérèse Letablier, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Ann Magnuson, Susan DeVoy. It's Day of the Fallen against Colonial Repression, Day of the Martyrs, World Braille Day. Mission: Fell these disgusting, lying, idiotic, corrupt, greedy, dangerous, traitorous repressors.
Dec 21, 2019
December 21. In 1620, the Mayflower landed at Plymouth Rock. In 1898, the Curies discovered radium. In 1913, the first crossword puzzle was published. In 1919, Emma Goldman was deported to Russia. In 1937, Disney debuted the first full-length animated feature, "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs." In 1968, Crosby Stills and Nash performed together in public for the first time. In 1969, Diana Ross gave her last TV performance as a member of the Supremes on "The Ed Sullivan Show." In 1988, 270 were killed in the Lockerbie disaster when a bomb exploded on a Boeing 747. In 1995, Bethlehem passed from Israeli to Palestinian control. In 1996, House Speaker and human newt, Newt Gingrich, admitted to violating House ethics rules. In 2019, Americans waited impatiently for ethics to matter again. Happy Birthday, Henrietta Szold, Rebecca West, Jane Fonda, Chris Evert, Florence Griffith Joyner. It's Forefathers' Day. Mission: Paint and bejewel your nails resistance colors.
Dec 14, 2019
December 14. In 1503, Nostradamus was born in St. Remy, France. In 1799, George Washington died. In 1901, the first table tennis tournament was held at the London Royal Aquarium. In 1918, British women over 30 voted in a general election for the first time. In 1940, plutonium was isolated in Berkeley, CA. In 1945, Josef Kramer, the "Beast of Belsen," and 10 other Nazi monsters were executed in Hamelin for war crimes. In 1948, a patent was granted for the cathode-ray tube amusement device, the first interactive electronic game. In 1962, Bob Dylan's first single "Mixed-Up Confusion" was released. In 1980, Yoko Ono called for a 10-minute silent vigil for John Lennon, who had been shot on the 8th. One hundred thousand showed up at Central Park. In 1985, Wilma Mankiller became the first woman to lead a major American Indian tribe as principal chief of the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma. In 2012, the Sandy Hook massacre occurred, killing 28, 20 of them children. Happy Birthday, Margaret Chase Smith, Virginia Coffey, Shirley Jackson, Ellen Jane Willis, Patty Duke. It's Martyred Intellectuals Day and Monkey Day. Mission: Resist the GOP destruction of democracy in America. They are committing crimes against humanity.
Dec 7, 2019
December 7. In 1787, Delaware became the first state to ratify the US Constitution (Remember that old thing?). In 1869, Jesse James robbed his first bank in Missouri. In 1932, Albert Einstein was granted an American visa. In 1941, Pearl Harbor was attacked by 200 Japanese warplanes and US entered WW2 . In 1963, Instant Replay debuted during the Army-Navy football game. In 1972, Apollo 17 was launched--the last US moon mission. In 1987, 43 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a Southwest Airlines jet. In 1993, 6 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a Long Island Railroad commuter train. That same day it was revealed that the US had secretly conducted more than 200 nuclear weapons tests in Nevada. And also on that day, Guns N' Roses announced they would keep Charles Manson's song "Look At Your Game, Girl" on their album when they learned the royalties would go to the son of one of Manson's victims. In 1995, the Galileo arrived at Jupiter after a six-year flight. In 2017, same-sex marriage was legalized in Australia. Happy Birthday, Willa Cather, Akiko Yosano, Ellen Burstyn, Melba Pattillo Beals, Anne Fine. It's Day of the Little Candles and National Heroes Day. Mission: Stop this! Be a hero and stop this!
Nov 30, 2019
November 30. In 1782, the US and Britain signed preliminary peace articles in Paris, ending the Revolutionary War. In 1786, the Grand Duchy of Tuscany became the first modern state to abolish the death penalty. In 1858, the pepper shaker with a screw-on top was patented. In 1897, Edison's motion picture projector had its first commercial exhibition. In 1940, Lucy & Desi were married. In 1954, an 8 1/2 pound meteorite crashed into a home in Sylacauga, Alabama. In 1995, Operation Desert Storm officially ended. In 2001, Gary Ridgway, the Green River Killer, was apprehended and charged with multiple murders. In 2005, John Sentamu became the first Black archbishop in the Church of England. Happy Birthday, Louise-Victorine Ackermann, Lucy Maud Montgomery, Jane C. Wright, Shirley Chisholm, Joan Ganz Cooney. It's Independence Day in Barbados and South Yemen. Mission: Peace. La paix. AND COME HEAR US BARDS OF STUMPTOWN MONDAY AT FORD FOOD & DRINK (SE 11th & Division). Starts at 6:30. Eight poets, eight minutes each. https://www.pdxmonthly.com/articles/2019/10/23/meet-the-poets-who-defined-a-portland-era-and-are-still-at-it?fbclid=IwAR3VDoKrI-KWpllNgCNGjsoXXG0w2XxWaSXTmTDKKCAkFdxYEdy5V02CV58
Nov 23, 2019
November 23. In 534 BC, Thespis of Icaria became the first actor on record to portray a character onstage. In 1889, the first jukebox debuted in San Francisco at the Palais Royale Saloon. In 1936, Life was first published. In 1976, Jacques Mayol became the first man to dive 100m undersea without breathing equipment. In 1998, the tobacco industry settled with sick smokers for $206 billion, the largest civil settlement in America. In 2005, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf became the first woman leader in Africa (Liberia). Happy Birthday, Betti Alver, Anne Burns, PK Page, Elaine Horseman, Robin Roberts. It's Repudiation Day. Mission: REPUDIATE THESE LIARS. THE GOP IS DESTROYING AMERICA. THEY ARE ALL GUILTY. WAKE THE FUCK UP. PUT THE KOOLAID DOWN!!!! THERE IS NOTHING FOR YOU.
Nov 16, 2019
November 16. (Frankly, today is a horrible day in history. I am leaving many bad things out. I think we already know how destructive mankind can be.) But . . . In 1776, the United Provinces (Netherlands) recognized the independence of the United States. In 1849, Dostoyevsky was sentenced to death for his anti-government activities in Russia. His sentence was later commuted to hard labor. In 1652, the asteroid 22 Kalliope was discovered. In 1904, the vacuum tube was patented. In 1938, LSD was first synthesized by Albert Hofmann in Basel. In 1940, the Nazis closed off the Warsaw Ghetto. In 1969, the US Army announced several men were being charged in the massacre and cover-up at My Lai. In 1973, David Bowie appeared in his first TV special. In 1990, Milli Vanilli were stripped of their Grammy since they were not really singing. Happy Birthday, Bonnie Greer, Zina Garrison, Diana Krall, Oksana Baiul, Maggie Gyllenhaal. It's International Day for Tolerance and Icelandic Language Day. Mission: Halda ro sinni. Stay calm.
Nov 9, 2019
November 9. In 694, Egica, a king of the Visigoths, accused Jews of aiding Muslims and sentenced all Jews to slavery. (What the freaking hell???) In 1720, Arabs burned the synagogue of Judah HeHasid, and expelled the Ashkenazim from Jerusalem (What the freaking hell???). In 1911, George Claude applied for a patent for neon signs. In 1935, labor leaders formed the Committee for Industrial Organization. In 1938, Nazis destroyed 7500 Jewish businesses, burned 267 synagogues, killed 91 Jews and rounded up 25,000 Jewish men during Kristallnacht, the Night of Broken Glass (WTFH? See above). In 1961, the Professional Golfers Association eliminated its Caucasians Only rule. In 1967, the first issue of ROLLING STONE w/John Lennon on the cover was released. In 1970, the Supreme Court voted against hearing a case allowing Massachusetts to allow its residents to refuse service in Vietnam. In 1976, the UN General Assembly condemned apartheid in South Africa. In 1989, East Germany opened its borders to West Germany. In 1994, the chemical darmstadtium was discovered. In 1998, capital punishment was abolished in the United Kingdom. In 2016, America began its drastic descent into Hell because of an outdated electoral system, blatant partisan gerrymandering, and idiocy. Happy Birthday, Maud Howe Elliott, Florence R. Sabin, Hedy Lamarr, Dorothy Dandridge, Mary Travers. It's World Freedom Day. Mission: FREE US, PLEASE.
Nov 2, 2019
November 2. In 1721, Peter I, ruler of Russia, changed his title to emperor, not unlike modern-day America's so-called ruler. In 1867, HARPERS BAZAAR was founded. In 1920, the first commercial radio station (KDKA of Pittsburgh) began broadcasting. In 1947, Howard Hughes flew his Spruce Goose for the first and only time. In 1959, Charles Van Doren admitted he cheated on the NBC program "Twenty-One." In 1960, LADY CHATTERLY'S LOVER was found not guilty of obscenity. In 1963, Dion stormed out of a taping of TVs "Ready Steady Go!," complaining that the go-go girls were distracting. In 1965, Norman Morrison, a Quaker, set himself on fire in front of the Pentagon in protest of the use of napalm in the Vietnam War. In 1983, President Reagan signed a bill establishing MLK Jr Day as a federal holiday. In 1993, the US Senate called for full disclosure of Senator Bob Packwood's diaries in a sexual harassment probe--back when even GOP Senators gave half a shit about corruption. In 2003, the Episcopal Church consecrated its first openly gay bishop. Happy Birthday, Marion Jones Farquhar, Isabella Smith Andrews, Rose Bird, Maxine Nightingale, k.d. lang. It's All Souls' Day and International Day to End Impunity for Crimes Against Journalists. Mission: GET YOUR SOULS BACK, AND THEN LOCK UP ALL THOSE CRIMINALS.
Oct 26, 2019
October 26. In 1825, the Erie Canal opened. In 1854, Charles Post was born--the inventor of Grape Nuts, Postum and Post Toasties. In 1881, the Gunfight at the OK Corral between Wyatt Earp, his brothers, Doc Holiday and the Ike Clanton Gang took place in Tombstone, AZ. In 1935, Judy Garland made her singing debut at age 12 on Wallace Berry's radio show. In 1949, President Truman raised the minimum wage from 40 to 75 cents an hour. In 1955, THE VILLAGE VOICE was first published. In 1965, the Beatles were knighted. In 1970, "Doonesbury" premiered. On the same day, Muhammed Ali boxed for the first time after his 3-year hiatus due to draft evasion. In 1977, smallpox completely eradicated. In 1991, Washington Mayor Marion Barry entered prison in Petersburg, VA, for cocaine possession. Happy Birthday, Mahalia Jackson, Sarah Lee Lippincott, Etelka Kenez Heka, Hillary Clinton, Natalie Merchant. It's Armed Forces Day in Benin. Mission: Stay out of Benin.
Oct 19, 2019
October 19. [A slow news day.] In 439, the Vandals took Carthage. In 1765, Congress met and drew up a declaration of rights and liberties. In 1943, streptomycin, the first antibiotic remedy for tuberculosis, was isolated. In 1956, the Soviet Union and Japan signed a declaration officially ending their 11-year state of war. In 1973, President Nixon rejected an Appeals Court decision that he turn over the Watergate tapes. In 1983, Martin Luther King, Jr., Day was established as a national holiday. In 2003, Mother Teresa was beatified. Happy Birthday, Emma Bell Miles, Marjorie Tallchief, Patricia Ireland, Susan Straight, Cara Santa Maria. It's Mother Teresa Day. Mission: Let's take back America from these ethicless slobsters. Feel free to stay in your robe.
Oct 12, 2019
October 12. In 539 BC, the Persian army of Cyrus the Great took Babylon ending the Babylonian Empire. In 1692, the Salem Witch Trials ended. In 1773, America's first insane asylum opened in Virginia. In 1892, in celebration of the 400th anniversary of the rapist Columbus's landing in America, the Pledge of Allegiance was first recited in public schools. (Double UGH) In 1938, production began on "The Wizard of Oz." In 1945, Desmond Doss became the first conscientious objector to receive the US Medal of Honor. In 1957, Little Richard threw 4 diamond rings into the Hunger River, proving he was giving up rock and roll for God. (He returned to music 5 years later.) In 1962, the Columbus Day Storm struck the Pacific Northwest, killing 46 and causing $230 million worth of damage. In 1964, the Soviet Union launched Voskhod 1, the first space flight with a multi-person crew NOT wearing space suits. In 1978, Sid Vicious was arrested for the murder of Nancy Spungen, but died of a heroin overdose before the trial began. In 1997, John Denver was killed when his plane crashed into Monterey Bay. In 1998, Matthew Shepard died 5 days after his brutal beating in Laramie. Happy Birthday, Edith Stein, Perle Mesta, Ann Petry, Sally Little, Marion Jones. It's Freethought Day. Mission: Impeach them all. #zombieapocalypse #fakechritians #allLIES
Oct 5, 2019
October 5. In 1450, Luis IX, Duke of Bavaria, expelled Jews from his jurisdiction who would not be baptized. In 1789, the Women's March on Versailles effectively terminated royal authority. In 1877, the Nez Perce War came to an end in the Northwest with Chief Joseph surrendering after a 1000-mile retreat. In 1937, President Roosevelt called for a "quarantine" of aggressor nations. In 1970, PBS was founded. In 1974, David Kunst completed the first journey around the world on foot. It took 4 years and 21 pairs of shoes. In 1982, Tylenol products were recalled after bottles laced with cyanide were found in Chicago. Happy Birthday, Helen Churchill Candee, Elda Emma Anderson, Magda Szabo, Louise Fitzhugh, Maya Lin. It's World Teachers' Day. Mission: Terminate royal authority. America is not a monarchy. And quarantine aggressor nations.
Sep 28, 2019
September 28. In 1789, the first Congress passed a resolution that recommended a national day of thanksgiving. It was proclaimed a few days later by President Washington and eventually became the 4th Thursday in November. In 1850, the US Navy abolished flogging. In 1889, the General Conference on Weights and Measures defined the length of a meter. In 1928, Alexander Fleming noticed a bacteria-killing mold, which eventually became penicillin. In 1955, the World Series between the New York Yankees and the Brooklyn Dodgers was televised in color for the first time. In 1961, "Dr. Kildare" premiered. In 1963, "She Loves You" by the Beatles was played on the radio by Murray the K--the first time a Beatles song was played in the US. Happy Birthday, Kate Wiggin, Alice Marble, Ethel Rosenberg, Brigitte Bardot, Janeane Garofalo. It's International Right to Know Day and National Day of Awareness against Child Pornography. Mission: Be transparent. Impeach the rapists--there are several.
Sep 21, 2019
September 21. In 1170, the Kingdom of Dublin fell to the Norman invaders. In 1780, Benedict Arnold gave the British the plans to West Point. In 1784, the first daily paper, THE PENNSYLVANIA PACKET AND DAILY ADVERTISER, was published. In 1792, the National Convention abolished the monarchy in France. (What a great idea!) In 1893, Frank and Charles Duryea designed and tested the first gasoline-powered automobile. In 1937, Tolkien's THE HOBBIT was first published. In 1942, on Yom Kippur, the Nazis sent 1000 Jews to Belzec extermination camp. That same day, Nazis murdered 2600 Jews in Ukraine. (F*** YOU, Nazis!) In 1957, "Perry Mason" debuted on CBS. In 1981, Sandra Day O'Connor became the first female justice on the US Supreme Court. (There were no rapes in her past. No, she was not a lying slimeball.) In 1981, Belize became independent. In 1991, Armenia became independent. Happy Birthday, Barbara Longhi, Shirley Conran, Leonard Cohen, Fannie Flagg, Kay Ryan, Marsha Norman. It's International Day of Peace and National Pecan Cookie Day. Mission: ABOLISH THE MONARCHY IN AMERICA over pecan cookies.
Sep 14, 2019
September 14. In 1741, George Handel completed the "Messiah" in time for an orphans' charity concert. In 1866, the typewriter ribbon was patented. In 1899, Henry Bliss became the first automobile fatality in New York City. In 1901, President McKinley died from an assassin's bullet (anarchist Leon Czolgosz). In 1975, Pope Paul VI declared Mother Elizabeth Ann Bayley Seton the first US-born saint. In 1984, Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a balloon solo across the Atlantic. Happy Birthday, Mae Boren Axton, Constance Baker Motley, Kate Millett, Joan Trumpauer Mulholland,
Amy Winehouse. Mission: Be your own Messiah. Why wait?
Sep 7, 2019
September 7. In 1888, Edith McLean became the first baby to be placed in an incubator. (I joined her 63 years later.) In 1911, poet Guillaume Apollinaire was arrested and jailed on suspicion of stealing the "Mona Lisa" from the Louvre. In 1915, the Raggedy Ann doll was patented. In 1916, US federal employees won the right to Workers' Compensation. In 1936, the last thylacine, a carnivorous marsupial named Benjamin, died in Tasmania. In 1966, "The Dick Van Dyke Show" aired its final episode. In 1978, Keith Moon, drummer for The Who, died of a hemenephirin overdose. In 1996, Tupac Shakur was shot in Las Vegas, dying six days later. Happy Birthday, Grandma Moses, Edith Sitwell, Nancy Keesing, Chrissie Hynde, Uta Pippig. It's Military Intelligence Day (what?) and National Threatened Species Day. Mission: Don't threaten species with your military, dammit--or your greed.