Feb 16, 2019
February 16. In 1918, Lithuania declared independence. In 1923, Howard Carter unsealed King Tut's tomb. In 1932, the first fruit tree patent was issued for a late-blooming peach tree. In 1933, Prohibition ended in America. In 1937, nylon was patented. In 1958, the ironing board was patented. In 1959, Castro became Premier of Cuba with the overthrow of Batista. In 1968, Aretha Franklin Day was declared in Detroit. Happy Birthday, Vera Menchik, Vera-Ellen, Marlene Hagge, Natalie Angier, Cathy Freeman. It's Lithuanian Independence Day. Mission: Valgykite persiku. (Eat [or drink] a peach. )
Feb 9, 2019
February 9. In 1870, the National Weather Service became an official entity. In 1895, Volleyball aka Mintonette, was invented. In 1950, Senator Joseph "Dumbass" McCarthy charged the State Department of being riddled with Communists. In 1954, McCarthy was proved a fool, censured, and died an alcoholic three years later. In 1907, 3000+ women marched in the Mud March in London, the first procession organized by the National Union of Women's Suffrage Societies. In 1960, Joanne Woodward received the first star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. In 1997, "The Simpsons" became the longest-running primetime animated series, knocking off "The Flintstones." In 1964, the Beatles made their American TV debut on "The Ed Sullivan Show." In 1971, Satchel Paige became the first Negro League player to be voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. Happy Birthday, Aletta Jacobs, Amy Lowell, Carole King, Barbara Lewis, Alice Walker. Mission: Wanna buy a snow shovel? Cheap?
Feb 2, 2019
February 2. In 1653, New Amsterdam (later New York City) was incorporated. In 1848, the Mexican War ended with the signing of the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. We got 525,000 square miles, including all or parts of Texas, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, California, Colorado and Wyoming for $15 million. In 1848, the first Chinese emigrants arrived in San Francisco. In 1863, Samuel Clemens started using the pseudonym Mark Twain. In 1892, the bottle cap was patented. In 1949, the first 45 RPM record was released ("Texarkana Baby" by Eddy Arnold). In 1979, Sid Vicious died of a heroin overdose at age 21. In 1990, FW de Klerk annouced the unbanning of the African National Congress and promised to release Nelson Mandela. Mandela was released nine days later. In 1993, Willie Nelson cleared up his $13 million tax debt. In 1998, President Clinton introduced the first balanced budget in 30 years. Happy Birthday, Julia Nava de Ruisanchez, Gertrude Blanch, Judith Viorst, Mary-Dell Chilton, Eva Cassidy. It's Groundhog Day, Inventor's Day, World Wetlands Day and Le Jour des Crepes. Mission: Eat crepes.
Jan 26, 2019
January 26. In 1784, Ben Franklin wrote to his daughter expressing his unhappiness over the eagle as America's symbol, suggesting, instead, the turkey (which would certainly fit now). In 1802, Congress passed an act calling for a library within the US Capitol. (Apparently, it has not been used in two years.) In 1863, the Secretary of War gave permission for the creation of a militia of African American men. In 1875, the dental drill was patented by George Green. In 1926, the first television was demonstrated. In 1940, Frank Sinatra made his first public appearance. In 1956, Buddy Holly made his first official recording "Blue Days, Black Nights." In 1961, JFK apointed Dr. Janet Travell to be his personal physician--the first woman. In 1970, John Lennon wrote and recorded "Instant Karma." (Karma seems to be working, but so slowly!) In 1992, Boris Yeltsin said he would stop targeting US cities with nuclear weapons. In 1998, Bill Clinton denied having sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky. In 2009, the Icelandic government collapsed. Happy Birthday, Jules Feiffer (90), Angela Davis (75), Susan Friedlander (73), Lucinda Williams (66), Ellen DeGeneres (61). It's Liberation Day in Uganda and International Customs Day. Mission: Liberate your customs while waiting for it--karma, that is.
Jan 19, 2019
January 19. In 1793, King Louis XVI was found guilty of treason and sentenced to the guillotine. (Ideas? Thoughts? Prayers?) In 1825, Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett patented a canning process for salmon, oysters and lobsters. In 1861, Georgia seceded from the Union, joining South Carolina, Florida, Mississippi and Alabama. (Ideas?) In 1915, Georges Claude patented the neon tube. In 1920, the ACLU was founded. In 1940, YOU NAZTY SPY!, a film satirizing Hitler and the Nazis, premiered starring the Three Stooges. In 1945, the Lodz Ghetto was liberated by the Russians. Less than 900 of 200,000 survived. In 1953, 72% of American TV sets were tuned to "I Love Lucy" as Lucy had a baby boy. In 1957, Johnny Cash debuted on the "Jackie Gleason Show." In 1977, President Ford pardoned "Tokyo Rose." In 1983, Klaus Barbie, Nazi barbarian, was arrested in Bolivia (Limerick?). Happy Birthday, Edgar Allen Poe, Patricia Highsmith, Janis Joplin, Dolly Parton, Cindy Sherman. It's Husband's Day in Iceland. Mission: Eat some oysters. Kiss your husband.
Jan 12, 2019
Saturday Morning Post. January 12. In 1773, the first public museum in America opened in Charleston, SC. In 1904, Henry Ford set a new land speed record at 91.37 mph. In 1915, the US House of Representatives rejected a proposal to give women the right to vote (Yes, the dissension led by Mitch McConnell.). In 1928, Vladimir Horowitz debuted as a soloist with the NY Philharmonic. In 1932, Hattie Caraway became the first woman to be elected to the US Senate. In 1959, Berry Gordy borrowed $800 to found Motown. In 1966, "Batman" debuted on ABC. In 2006, a stampede during the Stoning of the Devil ritual in Saudi Arabia killed at least 362 Muslim pilgrims. Happy Birthday, Priscilla Bury, Laura Adams Armer, Ruth Benerito, Jennifer Johnston. It's Prosecutor General's Day in Russia and Zanzibar Revolution Day in Tanzania. Mission: Hurry! Smash this deplorable patriarchy!
Dec 29, 2018
December 29. In 875, Charles the Bald was crowned Emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. In 1170, St. Thomas Becket was murdered in his own cathedral by four knights on Henry II's orders. In 1813, the British burned Buffalo, NY. In 1845, the US annexed Texas. In 1848, President Polk turned on the first gas light at the White House. In 1890, the US Cavalry massacred over 400 men, women and children at Wounded Knee Creek, SD. In 1940, Germany began bombing London. In 1952, the first transistorized hearing aid went on the market. In 1998, Khmer Rouge leaders apologized for the genocide in Cambodia. In 2003, the Akkala Sami language went extinct with the death of its last speaker. In 2006, the UK settled its post-WW2 loan debt with America. Happy Birthday, Mary Tyler Moore, Molly Bang, Marianne Faithfull, Paula Poundstone, Katy Munger. It's Independence Day in Mongolia. Mission: STOP KILLING EACH OTHER. Act Mongolian.
Dec 22, 2018
December 22. In 1808, Ludwig van Beethoven conducted and performed in the premiere of his Fifth Symphony, Sixth Symphony, Fourth Piano Concerto (he soloed) and Choral Fantasy. in Vienna In 1864, Union General William Sherman sent Lincoln a message: "I beg to present you as a Christmas gift the city of Savannah." In 1877, the AMERICAN BICYCLING JOURNAL debuted. In 1894, French officer Alfred Dreyfus was convicted of treason, which triggered worldwide charges of anti-Semitism. Dreyfus was eventually vindicated after 12 years on Devil's Island. In 1895, German physicist Wilhelm Rontgen made the first x-ray (his wife's hand). In 1956, Colo became the first gorilla to be born in captivity at the Columbus, OH, zoo. In 1961, the first soldier died in Vietnam (James Davis). In 1989, Communist President Nicolae Ceausescu of Romania was overthrown. In 1990, Lech Walesa was sworn in as Poland's first popularly elected president. In 2016, the VSV-EBOV vaccine was proven to be 70-100% effective against the Ebola virus. Happy Birthday, Jean Racine, Teresa Carreno, Lady Bird Johnson, Barbara Billingsley, Jean-Michel Basquiat. It's National Mathematics Day in India. Mission: Compare a duck.
Dec 15, 2018
December 15. In 1791, the Bill of Rights went into effect. In 1877, Thomas Edison patented the phonograph. In 1890, Sioux Chief Sitting Bull and 11 other tribe members were killed in South Dakota by Indian police working for the US government. In 1938, ground was broken for the Jefferson Memorial. In 1941, German troops murdered 15,000 Jews in a ravine outside of Kharkiv, Ukraine. In 1961, Adolf Eichmann was sentenced to death in Jerusalem. In 1970, the Soviet Venera 7 landed on Venus. In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association voted to remove homosexuality from its official list of psychiatric disorders. In 1977, the Sex Pistols were denied visas to enter the US two days before their scheduled appearance on SNL. In 2000, the Chernobyl atomic power plant was shut down. Happy Birthday, Betty Smith, Eliza Atkins Gleason, Muriel Rukeyser, Edna O'Brien, Heather Booth. It's International Tea Day. Mission: Just listen to some music and stop killing each other.
Dec 8, 2018
December 8. In 1660, a woman appeared on an English public stage for the first time, playing Desdemona in "Othello." In 1941, the US declared war against Japan. In 1952, a pregnancy was acknowledged in a TV show ("I Love Lucy") for the first time. In 1960, Fabian visited Elvis at Graceland and lent him his pants when Elvis ripped his demonstrating karate. In 1962, the Workers of the International Typographical Union went on strike, closing down nine NYC newspapers for 114 days. In 1968, Graham Nash quit the Hollies and announced the formation of Crosby, Stills and Nash. In 1980, John Lennon was killed by Mark David Chapman. In 1982, Norman Mayer held the Washington Monument hostage, demanding an end to nuclear weapons. He was shot to death by police after threatening to blow up the monument. In 1984, Larry Flynt was found innocent of libeling Jerry Falwell with a parody ad. In 1993, President Clinton signed NAFTA into law. In 1997, New Zealand swore in their first female prime minister, Jenny Shipley. In 1999, a jury found MLK Jr. had been the victim of a vast murder conspiracy, not a lone assassin. In 2013, Metallica performed in Antarctica, making them the first band to perform on all seven continents. Happy Birthday, Camille Claudel, Julia Robinson, Carmen Martin Gaite, Margaret Geller, Mary Gordon. It's the Day of Finnish Music. Mission: Repeat after me: Kalliolle, kukkulalle/Rakennan minä majani/Tule, tule tyttö nuori/Jakamaan se mun kanssani/Jollen minä sinua saa/Niin lähden täältä kauas pois/Muille maille vierahille/Etten sua nähdä vois/Kalliolle, kukkulalle/Rakennan minä majani/Tule, tule tyttö nuori
Dec 1, 2018
December 1. In 1865, Shaw Univeresity, the first historically black university in the South, was founded in Raleigh. In 1913, Ford Motor Co started using a movable assembly line, ushering in the era of mass production. On the same day, Crete was annexed by Greece. In 1918, Transylvania united with Romania. In 1919, Lady Astor became the first female Member of Parliament. In 1952, it was announced in Denmark that the first successful sex-change operation had been performed on Christine Jorgensen. In 1955, Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat to a white man in Montgomery. In 1960, Paul McCartney & original Beatle Pete Best were arrested in and later deported from Germany for arson. In 1969, the first draft lottery since WW2 was held in America. Happy Birthday, Julia Moore, Richard Pryor, Bette Midler, Sarah Silverman, Janelle Monae. It's Rosa Parks Day, Self-Governance Day, World AIDS Day, Freedom & Democracy Day in Chad, Restoration of Independence Day in Portugal. Mission: Freedom, Democracy, Self-Governance, Independence, etc., etc., etc. [P.S. Happy Birthday, Jan Beran.]
Nov 24, 2018
Saturday Morning Post. November 24. In 1859, Charles Darwin published On the Origin of Species, explaining his theory of evolution through natural selection. In 1871, the misguided National Rifle Association was incorporated. In 1877, Anna Sewell's animal welfare novel Black Beauty was published. In 1940, Nazis closed off the Jewish ghetto in Warsaw. Over the next three years the population dropped from 350,000 to 70,000 due to starvation, disease and deportations to concentration camps. In 1947, during another period of American embarrassment and utter bullshit, the "Hollywood 10" were cited for contempt of Congress for refusing to answer questions about alleged Communist influence in their industry. In 1963, Dallas nightclub owner Jack Ruby shot and killed Lee Harvey Oswald live on national television (as we were just leaving for Sunday school). In 1971, DB Cooper parachuted from a Northwest Orient Airlines plane with $200,000 of ransom money never to be seen again. In 1989, Czechoslovakia's hard-line party leadership resigned after more than a week of protests against its policies. In 1991, Freddie Mercury died of AIDS complications at the age of 45. Happy Birthday, Frances Hodgson Burnett, Scott Joplin, Margaret C. Anderson, Esther Applin, Arundhati Roy. It's Evolution Day. Mission: Come on. Let's evolve past this point. Let's get them to resign.
Nov 17, 2018
November 17. In 1603, Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason. In 1800, Congress held its first session in DC. In 1871, the NRA was granted a charter by New York. In 1880, the first 3 British women graduated from London University. In 1913, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the army from dancing the tango. In 1947, the Screen Actors Guild implemented an anti-Communist loyalty oath. In 1968, NBC cut away from the final minutes of a Jets/Raiders game to begin "Heidi." (Raiders came from behind and won.) In 1970, the Soviet Union landed a vehicle on the moon and Lieutenant William Calley went on trial for the My Lai Massacre. In 1973, Nixon told the Associated Press, "Well, I'm not a crook." In 1988, Benazir Bhutto became the first female leader of an Islamic country (Pakistan). In 2010, researchers trapped anti-matter for the first time. Happy Birthday, Grace Abbott, Ruth Bari, Lesley Julia Abdela, Yolanda King, Rebecca Walker. It's Struggle for Freedom and Democracy Day in Slovakia and the Czech Republic. Mission: Struggle for freedom and democracy. Out the treasonous. Out the crooks.Then lock them up.
Nov 10, 2018
November 10. In 1865, Major Henry Wirz, the superintendent of a prison camp in Georgia, was hanged for war crimes during the Civil War (one of three executed). In 1898, the Wilmington Insurrection of 1898 began--the only instance of a city government being overthrown in US history. In 1917, 41 suffragists were arrested in front of the White House. In 1951, direct-dial, coast-to-coast telephone service began. In 1969, "Sesame Street" debuted. In 1970, for the first time in 5 years, no reports of American combat fatalities in Southeast Asia were reported. In 1975, the Edmund Fitzgerald and its crew of 29 vanished during a storm on Lake Superior. In 1976, the Utah Supreme Court approved Gary Gilmore's execution. In 1982, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial opened to visitors in Washington, DC. In 1983, Windows 1.0 was released. In 1995, playwright/activist Ken Saro-Wiwa and 8 others from the Movement for the Survivial of the Ogoni People were hanged by Nigerian government forces. In 2004, Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens) was awarded the "Man for Peace" prize at the opening of the Nobel Peace Prize laureates. Happy Birthday, Idabelle Smith Firestone, Kate Seredy, Noemi Gerstein, Ann Reinking, Holly Black. Mission: Continue to work for democracy by ousting these entitled white bullies who think they are above the law of the land.
Nov 3, 2018
Saturday Morning Post. November 3. In 1507, Leonardo DaVinci was commissioned by Lisa Gherardini to paint her portrait, which became the Mona Lisa. In 1631, the Rev John Eliot arrived at the Massachusetts Bay Colony to convert Native Americans to Christianity. In 1793, French playwright, journalist and feminist Olympe de Gouge was guillotined. In 1900, the first car show opened at Madison Square Garden. In 1952, frozen bread was offered for sale for the first time. In 1992, Carol Moseley-Braun became the first African-American woman senator. Happy Birthday, Lois Mailou Jones, Annapurna Maharana, Mazie Hirono, Lulu, Jeanette J. Epps. It's Culture Day in Japan, Independence Day in Panama, Dominica, Micronesia, Ecuador and Victory Day in Maldives. Mission: Oh, PLEASE release us. Let Tuesday be the beginning of our independence from Mendacity, Idiocy, Greed, Corruption, Hatred and frightening and fucked-up Backwardness and Bullshit. Oh, PLEASE.
Oct 27, 2018
October 27. In 1659, William Robinson and Marmaduke Steveson became the first Quakers to be executed in America. (Yes, Quakers are very bad hombres.) In 1858, Roland Macy opened a department store. It was his 8th business venture after 7 fails. In 1925, water skis were patented. In 1938, DuPont announced "nylon" as the new name for its synthetic yarn. In 1967, Catholic priest Philip Berrigan and the "Baltimore Four" poured blood on Selective Service records to protest the Vietnam War. In 1973, a 1.4kg meteorite struck Canon City, CO. In 1998, Peggy Lee became mute from a serious stroke. Happy Birthday, Sigrid Hjerten, Lee Krasner, Sylvia Plath, Maxine Hong Kingston, Fran Lebowitz. It's Flag Day in Greece. Mission: Honor the American flag by voting out these traitorous, greedy, corrupt zombies. P.S. Don't put your head in the oven--no matter how bad it seems.
Oct 20, 2018
October 20. In 1774, the new Continental Congress passed an order "discouraging horse racing, gaming, cock fighting, exhibitions of shows, plays and other expensive diversions and entertainment." In 1944, Belgrade and Dubrovnik were liberated. In 1947, the misguided House Un-American Activities Committee opened hearings into alleged Communist influence in the movie industry. In 1952, the Mau Mau uprising against white settlers began in Kenya. In 1955, Harry Belafonte recorded "The Banana Boat Song (Day-O)." In 1968, Jackie married Aristotle. In 1973, Nixon fired US Attorney General Richardson & Deputy Attorney General Ruckelshaus after they refused to fire Watergate special prosecutor Cox, who was finally fired by Robert Bork (known as the Saturday Night Massacre.) Happy Birthday, Isabelle de Charriere, Arthur Rimbaud, Enolia McMillan, Bobby Seale, Julie Payette. It's Revolution Day in Guatelmala, Heroes' Day in Kenya and Vietnamese Women's Day. Mission: VOTE TO SAVE AMERICA from the rising fascism, white supremacy, barbarism, constant lying, corruption, slime, greed, and utter zombie-ism of the current bullshit administration of cowards as if your life depended on it--because, of course, it does.
Oct 13, 2018
October 13. In 1582, because of the adoption of the Gregorian calendar, this day actually did not exist in Italy, Poland, Portugal or Spain. In 1908, Margaret Travers Symons burst into the UK Parliament and became the first woman to speak there. In 1953, an ultrasonic burglar alarm was patented. In 1962, "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" opened on Broadway. Also in 1962, the Pacific Northwest experienced a cyclone equal to a Category 3 hurricane. Forty-six people died. In 1963, the Beatles appeared on the first major British TV show ("Sunday Night at the Palladium.") In 1970, Janis Joplin's ashes were scattered off the coast of California. In 2010, the 33 Chilean miners arrived at the surface after 69 days underground. Happy Birthday, Mary Kingsley, Lenny Bruce, Nana Mouskouri, Shirley Caesar, Paul Simon. It's International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction. Mission: Resist natural disasters. Vote the zombies OUT.
Oct 8, 2018
October 6. In 1880, the National League kicked the Cincinnati Reds out of the league for selling BEER [fucking beer]. In 1889, the Moulin Rouge opened its doors to the public for the first time. In 1890, the Mormons outlawed polygamy. In 1939, Adolf Hitler denied any intention of going to war against Britain or France (another lying monster). In 1961, President Kennedy advised Americans to build bomb shelters for protection against the bomb-crazy Soviet Union. In 1969, George Harrison finally got the A side of a Beatles '45 with "Something." In 1980, Johnny Rotten was arrested in Dublin during a pub fight. In 1991, Elizabeth Taylor married Larry Fortensky at Michael Jackson's. It was her 8th marriage. In 1995, the first planet orbiting another sun (51 Pegasi b [crappy name] was discovered. In 2018, Gina got married & Ophelia turned 1. Happy Birthday, Caroline Gordon, Florence Seibert, Vivion Brewer, Helen Willis Moody--and Ophelia, of course. It's World Space Week. Mission: STOP THIS SHIT!
Sep 29, 2018
September 29. In 1789, the first regular army was established in the US War Dept. In 1923, the First American Track and Field Championships for women was held. In 1960, "My Three Sons" debuted. In 1962, President Kennedy nationalized the Mississippi National Guard in response to city officials defying federal court orders to enroll James Meredith at the University of Mississippi. In 1977, Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a heavyweight title boxing match between Ali and Shavers. In 1984, Elizabeth Taylor was voted the world's most beautiful woman. In 1994, the US House voted to end allowing lobbyists to buy meals and entertainment for members of Congress. In 2004, the asteroid 4179 Toutatis passed within four lunar distances of Earth. Happy Birthday, Diana Vreeland, Michelangelo Antonioni, Barbara Mertz, Madeline Kahn, Maureen Caird. It's World Heart Day and Inventors' Day. Mission: "The only way to kill a zombie is to destroy its brain." So far, so good. Their brains seem to be in shit shape already. Not far to go. Smash the patriarchy.